Archive for the 'weird shit' Category

14
Oct

Free Datukship to Anyone

Today I got a shock when I was reading the newspaper online (Yes, I am cheap, but I don’t bother to pay to read craps most of the time). This article with the title “Malaysians more deserving of Datukship than Shah Rukh Khan” [news source here] definitely caught my attention, and after reading it, I laughed.

Basically, what it is saying is that the Malaysian Artistes Association is complaining that local artists deserves datukship more than Shah Rukh Khan, one of the most celebrated Bollywood star of our generation (sorry, I didn’t know that as well until I googled that dude). Well, maybe the Malaysian Artistes Association is right, but excuse me! Are they saying we can’t award this privilege to foreigner? It must be given to local artists? What have they done to the local community and contribute to the people (beside entertaining, of course) or the country to deserve datuk-ship?

Of course, if you go to any mamak or tea shop, you will hear a lot of uncles talking about how money can buy anything, that includes datuk-ship. I personally am not too sure about that as, first, I don’t have that kind of money to buy datuk-ship, and secondly, I also don’t know where to buy it. Last time I check, they don’t sell it at MidValley and One Utama.

But the main point is, I strongly believe that Datukship, which is a Federal Title for honorary [the wikipedia information is here], and only those who has contribute to the country, provided to the community, and helped the people of the country (or world) deserve it. Or someone who has done something truly special deserve Datukship.

So I can’t help but to ponder why Shah Rukh Khan, the most celebrated Bollywood star, deserves it? I mean, he didn’t even bother to turn up to the event to accept this accolade. What has Shah Rukh Khan done for our country beside acting in (literally) thousands of Indian movies to entertain the Indians and the Hindraf detainees at the ISA detention center in Kamunting? The other question is, has he ever been to Malaysia at all? (Sorry, I really don’t follow this kind of news so please feel free to let me know) Can we even be sure that he knows where the hell is Malaysia?

I hope the leaders of our country will at least consider giving out these Datukship to someone more deserving, to someone who has contributed to the country instead of those cronies and corrupted souls, or some artists simply because they are famous (or hot, handsome, or whatever not).

03
Jun

Classic Indie MTV

Remember that I published some post about Indian movies? [You can read about the articles here]

Now, of all my bad reviews and jokes, nothing can beat this YouTube Indian MTV. It’s beyond classic, it’s beyond words, it’s beyond believe.

Watch it. Remember to turn on the sound (but not too loud, if you are working)

Let me know what you think.

12
May

How much do you worth?

The other day I came across a website from another blog. It’s Human For Sale (no, for crying out loud, its not something kinky) and from the website, you can evaluate how much you are worth.

The interesting thing about this website is that it put a price on your age (older = cheaper), height, weight and all that into consideration. I can’t say for sure if the price tag them put is accurately reflected in the true value, but I am going with it as the fact that at least they put up a face value on almost everything.

I am not sure how much is the average, but looking at my value from the website, it didn’t look that bad at all.


HumanForSale.com - For Sale

Now, this is something different than the price of each and everyone before [here]. That’s the price, not how much you worth.

So how much do you worth?

11
Feb

The Meaning of Your Name

I am back! Well, kinda.

I am back from my hometown, and I am still busy unpacking and settling down all the things. So I had just replied some comments and so I will just blog something simple.

The other day I stumbled upon this website, and it is a website that will ask you to key-in your name and it will “unlock” the hidden meaning of your name. Well, let’s not just jump into conclusion and condemn this kind of website and the authenticity of these findings because we should all keep an open mind to see how things will turn out.

I am not sure how accurate it is, but here is mine…

What Does the Name “Adrian Ang” Means:

You are usually the best at everything … you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic “Type A” personality.

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.
You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.
People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You’re always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can’t handle you. You’re very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you’re likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It’s easy to get you excited… which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don’t stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.
You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.
Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don’t appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.
You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don’t spill secrets or spread gossip.
People sometimes think you’re snobby or aloof, but you’re just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.
You master any and all skills easily. You don’t have to work hard for what you want.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you’ll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don’t get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

Damn! That’s really something eh? Well, from the description, some of them fit perfectly, but I am not too sure about some other stuff (of course I don’t want to think too badly of myself, so I would rather let those who know me well make the judgement call).

So what is the hidden meaning of your name?

23
Jan

Masturbation Gesture Gone Wrong and others…

I just saw this YouTube video and it is hilarious!

Remember to turn on the volume to hear the conversation. It is highly NOT recommended to watch this in the office with the volume up, unless it is lunch time and there’s no one else in the office.

And here is another pretty amazing video on YouTube. Even though it is amateur stuff, but it beats National Geography in some sense and we can all witness how nature works, and how working together can even defeat the worst enemy in life. Must watch! Just ignore the background noise and enjoy the battle between the lions, crocodile and the ox. I guess that is just a daily routine for those wild life in Africa.



Enjoy :)

28
Nov

Donation

The other day when I was talking to a friend, she mentioned how her biological clock was ticking and how she prepared to be a healthy mother. That reminds me of a crazy experience I had quite a long time ago.

I had this female couple friends (translation: lesbian) that I had known for quite some time. Dare I say we were pretty close friends and sometimes we just hang out, talking, drinking beer, watching football games (American football, not the EPL), eating, watching movies and stuff. Just the stuff friends do together.

One day, one of them was talking about how she wanted to have a child, an offspring, for them couple and that would be very special. I suggested adoption since, well, it is biologically impossible for two females couples to get pregnant without one sex being the sperm donor. She said she would think of adoption but she would prefer to have her own biological offspring, and that would be something more special to them.

After that conversation, I didn’t think much about the topic.

A few weeks later, she called me up and said she got something to discuss with me. I went over to their place, which was quite near to where I was staying, and when I reached, they were sitting on the couch, having lemonades and waiting for me to arrive. I sat down opposite them, turned on the TV and flipped the channel to ESPN and started to drink beer.

“Adrian?” one of them said.

“Yeah,” I replied automatically while watching the latest NBA score, “what’s up?”

“Do you remember how we talked about having our own children?” she said.

“Of course,” again, I replied automatically as I was glued to the final seconds of the game. It was playoffs, and I put my bets on the team and it was a really close game, “I do remember. So you guys wanna adopt?”

She thought for awhile, “No, and that’s why we are asking you to come here.”

“Uh huh,” I replied, didn’t know what was coming, “so what can I help?”

“We want you to be our child’s father,” she said very slowly.

I thought I heard it wrongly, and I unglued my sights from the TV, turned slowly and looked at them with wide eyes. It wasn’t a good few seconds until I replied, “You want me to be what?”

She said, very carefully, “You know how it is impossible for us to have baby unless there is a man involved. We don’t want to adopt. We want to have our very own baby. So we thought long and hard and we think you are the best…er..donor.”

I thought they were joking, “Oh okay. So how do you want it? Do you want it in a jar or should we go to a clinic?”

Then I watched the game again.

They looked at each other, and said, “No, clinic is too expensive and we do not have that kind of budget. We want it the … erm…. natural way.”

I laughed, still thinking they were joking. “So you mean we should have sex, the natural way, so you can conceive a baby.”

They simply nodded. I laughed again, and I was thinking out loud, “Man, this is funny. This will be the first time I fuck a lesbian.”

“Lesbians,” she corrected me.

“Huh? You mean both of you? I thought you want to be a mother?” I asked. This time the game wasn’t that interesting anymore.

“Well, there might be a chance I cannot conceive. But with both of us, we will have a higher chance. We try to make this a one-time thing,” she answered.

Suddenly it hit me; they were not joking about wanting me to be the father of their child. “You guys are not joking, are you?” I asked.

“No,” she replied, “we are really serious and we sincerely think that you are the best candidate.”

“Why me?” I asked, stupidly.

“Well, we are close friends and we feel really comfortable around you,” she said, “And of course you are good looking, funny, smart, and we want those genes.”

“Huh? Me? Good looking? Er… I need to think about it,” I told them.

“Well, we called you because we think you are the best, and after my calculation, next Tuesday onwards will be the best time for both of us to conceive,” she looked at her partner with great love, “so we want you to stay here with us for 3 days next week, to.. er.. you know…”

“I really need to think about it,” I said.

She said with great sincerity, “We understand. Please do consider it and we will hold all the responsibilities. No string attached and we really hope you will do it.”

“Okay, I will think about it carefully,” I replied.

Honestly, what are the odds that a man get to do a lesbian in his lifetime? I mean, beside the possibility that the female did not realize that she swings the other way when she make love to the man. Furthermore, this is 2 lesbians that we are talking about! Two hot lesbians! I mean, free sex for 3 days non-stop, do nothing but hump each other like a bunny and hopefully one of the bullets will strike bull’s eye. I mean, how could a man with full of energy and sexual needs refuse that?

Men have two heads, and normally we use the wrong head to think. Seriously, even using both heads to think, I did not see any reason to object to that. First of all, I would be doing them a favor as they wanted a child. Secondly, I get to do two young hot beautiful lesbians. Thirdly, what are the odds that I will get to do a lesbian again in my life time?

But I had one big concern; if I were to do it, I will have a child with them, but then I am only biologically related as I will not be a part of the child’s life. Did I really want that?

After thinking for long and deep, finally Monday came, and she called me again.

“Adrian? So will you come over and stay with us for 3 days?” she asked.

“No. I am sorry. I really wanted to help, but I don’t want to have a child and not being able to be the father of the child. I simply can not do it,” I told her honestly. But more honest is that if there was no child nor pregnancy involved, I would have jumped into the sack and humped them day and night for 3 days straight.

I could hear her sighed on the other end of the phone, “I understand. Thank you though, for considering it.”

“That is the least I can do. I am really sorry though,” I said.

Later, I heard that they found some other sperm donor, and then I moved to another state so I didn’t get to see them. But I heard they did conceive a baby, and it was a girl.

To think of it, I passed on a chance to have sex with 2 hot young beautiful lesbians. I am not sure if I should slap myself or congratulate myself. But if I were to experience it again, I am not sure if I would do the same thing again.

28
Jun

CSI: Malaysia

It was 8:49am, and the office staff were busy working on their computers. The company event was just days away and everyone felt the pressure. Some of them even pulled all nighters trying to complete the task on hand.

At that moment, the toilet cleaner walked out inconspicuously and quietly from the washroom, carrying a red bucket with the mop. A few droplets of water fell from the mop, leaving a faint trail of his going. His head tucked low, vision fixed on the floor and he was trying to avoid any attention from the staff. But he walked with a purpose.

At 9:59am, the boss came into the office. Everyone called him a “Datuk” because he was reaching 70, yet he was filled with energy, and he would go into the office every day even though he had relinquished all his responsibilities and duties to his sons. He started the company many years ago, and the company was filled with rich history and heritage. He walked his round to talk to the staff, to ensure that no one was taking one too many breaks, and to ensure that no one was chatting online nor playing computer games. He is a very determined person, and a stubborn one, as his sons would call him. He didn’t want to retire just yet, and he was still very much involve in the company management, albeit his sons objections.

The Datuk was still very much in control of the company.

He went into his room, and at 10:16am, he walked out slowly from his office (with huge windows overlooking the scenery) and went into the washroom. Quickly, he came out, and his look was disgusted and worried.

He called out and a staff named K, an assistant manager whom sitting nearest to the washroom, went to the Datuk as soon as possible.

Datuk:[pointing] “You! Do you see anything wrong?”
K: “No sir. What’s wrong?”
Datuk: “Look carefully! Do you see ANYTHING wrong?”
K: “Er… no sir.”
Datuk:[pointing at the floor] “Look at these shoe prints!”
K: “…….”
Datuk: “Okay. I want you to find out who the culprits are. When you know who went into the toilet while the floor is wet, ask them to come to me.”
K: “Huh? Okay….”

* * *

ME: “HAHAHAHAHA! Don’t tell me you really go and check who did it.”
K: “Er… yeah, I did.”
ME:[still laughing loudly] “But how?”
K: “Aiyah! I went to all the male colleagues and check their shoe prints to see if they matches the one in the toilet lor.”
ME: “Hahahaha!!! Dumb ass! If I were you I would just tell Datuk that I couldn’t find the person. I won’t even bother!”
K: “Yeah, but you don’t know Datuk. He will get to the bottom of it.”
ME: “So tell me, at the end did you find the culprit?”
K: “Nope.”
ME: “Exactly! What’s the difference if you were to tell him he couldn’t find without even bother looking for the culprit and you looked for the culprit but couldn’t find? You dumb ass!”
K: “Eh, don’t say that lah.”
ME: “So what happened after that?”
K: “I told him I couldn’t find, and he asked me to mop the toilet floor to make sure it’s clean.”
ME: “Hahahahahahaahaha!”
K: “…….”

* * *

Honestly, the Datuk is definitely too free and he has nothing better to do than asking his staff to check out those shoe prints. But my friend was just too straight forward until he obeyed and really checked for those shoe prints.

12
May

F1 night race…

Okay, this is a confirmed news…

Singapore will host a night F1 race beginning 2008 season at the Marina Bay area. [For the official news from F1, click here]

*Laughs*

Sorry, I just can’t get the image of a F1 car with two Bi-xenon headlights out of my head. [Okay, when I got the time I will edit some F1 cars with headlamp to show you how it will look like. Or if I can find one image from Google.]

And to my Singaporean friends, sorry dudes. You will have more problem with the traffic because there will be road closure for weeks (for preparation, the testing, the trial and also the race day) and all the cars will be diverted from that area. If you happen to work near there, you can expect to kiss your car goodbye as you cannot drive into that area.

But luckily you got a good MRT system.

01
Apr

Malaysian lawyers

UK Immigration Officer: “Purpose of visit?”
Visitor: “I’m here to study law, sir.”
Officer: “You know, you must have a lot of lawyers in Malaysia.”
Visitor: “Why do you say that?”
Officer: “Well, I’ve been here for a good twenty years, and I’d say 80% of Malaysians I see here say they’re here to study law.”
Visitor: “Oh, really? That’s really something I never knew. Hard to believe, in fact.”
Officer: “Just you watch, then. You just stand here until the next Malaysian comes along, and I’ll bet 20 that he’s here to read law.”

*After a 5 minutes wait, a fellow Malaysian named Ah Chong came to the immigration counter*

Officer: “Mr. Ah Chong, purpose of visit?”
Ah Chong: “Study lorr…”

26
Mar

the monk who drove a lexus

During the weekend, K, SH, my girlfriend and I went to Genting Highland for some fun and leisure (sort of like a short vacation) and we were staying at the Genting Hotel for one night. After spending hours and hours walking and gambling (which is another story), we finally decided to leave at 0730 this morning.

While waiting for K and SH to come down from their room so we could check-out from the hotel together, I waited for them outside to enjoy a cold mist on my face and I particularly love cold weather. There I saw a Lexus GS300, a RM 413,688.20 car [source from Paul Tan]. At first I didn’t give a fuck about it, and I was just looking around. Then, something caught my attention.

First of all, the number plate indicated that the car is from Singapore. And then I saw the driver. Its a monk. And inside the car there were a total of 5 monks.

I gave out a sigh and claimed, “Wow! Monk also drives a Lexus?”, and the police outside the hotel concurred by laughing. He told me, “Ya buddha pun pakai kerata canggih!” (Translation: Yes buddha is also driving a fancy car. Which is technically untrue as they are only a monk, not buddha but I didn’t want to waste my time explaining to him)

Now here is my take. I understand that there are thousands, if not millions, of people donating and contributing to the temple for good cause. So does that mean the monk can use those money to purchase a RM413K (about USD118,000) worth of car? (Yup, I know in US the Lexus GS 450h model, which has bigger capacity and a hybrid engine, is only selling at US 54,900 so we Malaysians are actually paying double, but Singapore got COE and other things, so the price is around the same)

Besides, isn’t it a bit too fucking flashy to drive a Lexus GS300? I mean, don’t they sometimes wonder what the normal people like me, or the keen followers, think about them driving a Lexus GS300? I mean, shitload of people can’t even afford a car like that, and yet a monk, without true license to earn money besides donations and contributions from the society, can afford one.

So if the temple is so rich, why not help the poor and the needy? Don’t tell me Singapore has no poor and needy people. That is just a bunch of bullshit. Okay, even if there is not a single poor and needy people in Singapore (Good job, Mr. Lee), the monk can help those in other nation as true Buddha teaching is “love without boundaries” (that means no differentiating color, race, religion, sex, or anything).

Anyway, I have no problem with monk driving a Honda City, Honda Civic, Toyota Vios and I won’t even recommend them to drive our national car (you know, the infamous Proton?). But Lexus GS300 is a LUXURY car. Now I have a problem with that.

By the way, what the fuck were they doing at Genting Highland, the City of Entertainment? (emphasize Entertainment) Genting Highland is a place very well-know for the casinos and other entertainment bits, so I can’t imagine why a monk should be in Genting. Many would argue that there is a temple on the way to Genting, but that’s BEFORE Genting Highland, and there is no way for the monks to miss that place as it is darn huge and the road is one way street (one way up and another way down).




 

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