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26
May

::: wanton me! :::

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: Entertaintment

Last night Maria, Khien, SH and me went to Bangsar Shopping Center to attend Wonton Me!, a comedy talk show by none other than Salena Tan (from Singapore - if you watched the infamous “I am not Stupid” by Dick Lee, Salena Tan is the one portraying the fat mother) and it was a blast.

The topic ranged from oral sex (do I get your attention now?), bird flu, mad-cow disease, the half-crooked bridge, the difference between gay and straight men, the sadness of having weird (but funny) surname, and the difference between Singapore and Malaysia. Did I forget to mention that she also compares the difference between the millenium porn with old-school porn? It comes with excellent singing, music, and performance. It is a great show and we had lots of great time during the show.

A lot of times, the things that she mentioned really strike a chord with the audience and the audiences just couldn’t agree more (NOTE: This is particularly true for women audience. So you can guess it. Men were, sometimes, underfire during the show). So before you enter the show, make sure you have big appetite for sarcasm, brutal truth, and also munch some chewing gum because she will make you laugh so loud and hard that you might have facial muscle cramp.

Oh! There’s one surprise that I am not telling at the moment. Go catch the show and you will find out for yourself.

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT.

The show ends on this coming Sunday (28/5/06), so you have just a few more days to attend this great show. Make sure you attend this great show.

Location: Bangsar Shopping Mall @ Actors Studio (3rd floor, West Wing)
Time:Friday (26/05/06) - 8:00 pm & 10:30 pm
Saturday (27/05/06) - 5:00 pm & 9:00 pm
Sunday (28/05/06) - 8:00 pm
Ticket Price : RM 50 to RM 90

04
May

::: is this really me? :::

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: Entertaintment, about me and weird shit

Today Jason sent me an URL on MSN.

Check it out:

http://www.adrianbro.youaremighty.com/ [click here]

Damn, am I really that good?

17
Apr

::: good one :::

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: Entertaintment and weird shit

Today I saw a video clip from Seraphe’s blogsite and it is really good. So good until I have to steal it from his site and show it to you guys [sorry bro, got to steal it].

Here goes…

[Lyrics provided by Seraphe]

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn’t be that man I adored
You don’t seem to know, don’t seem to care what your heart is for
But I don’t know him anymore
I don’t care, I have no luck, I don’t miss it all that much
There’s just so many things that I can’t touch, I’m torn

I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You’re a little late, I’m already torn. torn.

13
Apr

::: hello kitty … or? :::

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: Entertaintment and friends

Yesterday afternoon I was having tea with a friend whom I haven’t seen for ages, right after his marriage, so it was a great time catching up with a long lost friend. We talked about many things, including the recent economic shift in global market, the business, the politics, cars, the thunderstorm that has been happening almost daily in PJ area, the National Automotive Policy, but not even one time he touched base on his newly wedded wife (for 18 months).

And then, he looked at his watched and screamed, “Oh my fucking God! It’s already 5:45pm!” I was puzzled so I asked, “Why? Dude, you hungry already or what? You mean to say you want to take dinner at this hour?”

“No! You don’t understand. I must go now!” came his reply. Being a curious angel that I am, I asked him what’s wrong and he commented this, “Well, if I go home late, my wife will give me a really tough time.”

I asked him to elaborate more, and his story went on like this, “If I go home late, my wife will scold me. If there’s a colleague calling me at night, she’ll get mad and suspicion. It’s worse if its a lady colleague. When company sends me off to other place, no matter if its Penang or England, I cannot stay overnight unless I bring her along.”

I was amazed and wanted to laugh so loud. Trying to suppress my laughter, I said, “Dude! You are such a pussy!”

He said, “No! I just treat her nicely with respect.”

I said, “Hell no! You are a pussy! If you ask the cleaning lady that’s pushing the cart (point my finger to the washroom area) and ask her, she’ll call you a pussy!”

He said, “No lah, don’t be like that… will get use to it…”

I asked in disbelief, “Dude! If that’s the case, why you marry her in the first place? I thought you said she was a very nice person?”

“Before marriage, she was Hello Kitty. After marriage, she’s Tiger Woods.” He said.

“Tiger Woods?” I asked.

“Yeah!” came his reply, “Try to imagine a tiger with a log of wood in her hand…”

I couldn’t help anymore and burst into hysterical laughter. Damn, I am such a bastard.

12
Feb

::: another kuay teow man :::

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: Entertaintment and life

I almost forgot about an incident during the CNY. It was yet another story about kuay teow (please refer to the the kuay teow man in my previous post).

After some discussion about the world economy (*Ahem* You know what I mean) with friends until late at night during CNY. We decided to drop by to this kuay teow place to take a late supper because we were exhausted during the 10 hours debate about the world economy. Unfortunately, that place wasn’t opened so we just went off to a mamak store nearby to fill our hunger.

A very lonely old man was sitting next to us and he heard our conversation about wanting to take kuay teow but it wasn’t opened, and he started to tell us stories about kuay teow. The most funny thing is that he was basically talking to himself and told us how good it was to add extra garlic to the fried kuay teow. He ranted and raved for more than 15 minutes, and we practically ignored him. Finally, he went quiet and we went on with our business to harrass the roti canai (local indian bread), nasi lemak (oil yrice?), and teh tarik(pulled tea).

Then one of our idiot friends, Shawn, whispered to Ivan and asked him how can we add ice to a kuay teow. Well, in Cantonese, the pronounciation for garlic and ice are pretty similar. But the uncle overheard the comment and started to tell us it wasn’t ice that make a good kuay teow but extra garlic. Then he said something about not wanting us to get confused or people might laugh at us.

We couldn’t help it but laughed until we had stomach cram. After the laughing, we proceeded with kicking Shawn’s ass and threw him into the drain nearby after the uncle kept ranting and raving about garlic with kuay teow for the next 10 minutes.

The last part is not true, but the uncle did rant about it for 10 minutes…

27
Jan

::: Gong Xi Fatt Cai :::

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: Entertaintment, Family and life

I will be off to hometown today and I am having one week break! *grinz* (Don’t be jealous ya?)

What this means? Well, besides going back to hometown, Chinese New Year breaks normally mean the following:

1. I get to rest and recuperate for one whole week! Yay!

2. I can get Ang Pow (translation: red packet that contains money inside)! But some people complained that I am too darn old to receive Ang Pow. I say Fuck it. Its either you are too damn stingy or poor. If not, show me the money! Let’s hope this year will be as good as the previous year!

3. Gambling! Gambling! Gambling! Please do not misunderstand that I am addicted to gambling. For your information, I only gamble during the Chinese New Year, so its pretty much once a year. So gimme a break ya? Let’s hope this year I still have the luck to win big! If you have the luck, please play far, far away, kay?

4. Food! Nothing can beat the homecooking. Do you know that my mum is an excellent cook? Nothing beats homecooking, except maybe TukFuk restaurant in Sri Damansara… No…Hell no, nothing beats homecooking!

5. No one calling me about work and shit like that. Finally I can get it off my mind for awhile. So if you wanna call me for work-related issue, fuck off far far away please!

But this is the list what I dread:

1. Aunties will be asking me about the marriage questions, again. Like “When are you going to get married?”, “Still don’t want to settle down?”, “When is your turn to give out Ang Pow?” (Note: In Chinese tradition, only those who are married can give our the red packet), or “Still take Ang Pow? It’s time for you to give already!”
(I am considered lucky compared to my poor sisters. They will get questions like “So when are you going to have a baby?” or “When are you planning for a second baby?”… Well, before they get married, those aunties pressed my sisters about marriage. Alrighty, now that they are married, and aunties started to press for babies. Dammit, give them a break can? Why don’t you ask your daughters and sons about those questions?)

2. The boredom. Well, because my hometown has nothing much to do, so it can be pretty bored. But I have came up with plans to go out everyday to gamble, drink, gamble, and drink!

3. The same old CNY songs. They are all the same, except different singers singing it in different ways, but it is essentially the same thing. I mean, why can’t they get creative and make new songs? We have enough of the same old songs for too many fucking years!

Well, that’s it folks! I will be off for one week! I am not sure if I will be able to blog during this week. So for those who misses me, Gong Xi Fatt Cai! For those who don’t miss me: Gong Xi Fuck Cai!

17
Dec

::: the kuay teow man :::

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: Entertaintment and friends

Kuay Teow (translate: flat rice noodle) is ranked as among the most popular food in Malaysia, and it comes with various variety. People can fried it, or make curry chicken soup with kuay teow. No wonder million pounds of kuay teow are served daily.

Speaking of kuay teow, I remember clearly an indicent many years back (around 10 years ago?) that I went out with a friend, Bernard, who can’t speak Mandarin nor Cantonese. He is our very typical banana man that can speak ultra fluent English but can’t even write his name in Chinese. We were close friends and slowly but surely, he asked me to teach him Mandarin and Cantonese.

His roommates were Chinese speaking dudes, so I took up the responsibilities to teach him Cantonese, and there were a lot of funny and memorable incidents. Strangely enough, one of the incidents involved our beloved kuay teow…

I still remember that it was a sunny afternoon, and we went to KL for some shopping and checking out those beautiful women. After spending some time doing nothing, we went across Sungai Wang shopping mall for lunch. There was this famous curry chicken hawker that I visited frequently, so naturally I took him there.

Here is the conversation that took place (in Cantonese, but I take the liberty to translate for you guys who can’t really speak Cantonese) …

Bernard: Hello auntie, may I have a curry chicken mee? (translation: noodle)
Auntie: Sorry my dear. Mee is sold out. (From the way he speaks, the lady knew instantly that he couldn’t speak Cantonese very well)
Bernard: Hmm… in that case, bei guai tiu la (*Correct* translation: can you give me kuay teow instead?)

Everyone around there, including the patrons, bursted into laughters. Even the hawker auntie was laughing her ass out. All I could do was looking at him with my eyes going to pop-out, and then I dutifully did my laughing part.

Bernard: Hmm.. auntie, what’s wrong?
Auntie: Oh nothing (still laughing like mad)… just take a seat first ya? (laughed louder)

The problem is, when he said “Bei guai tiu”, he basically was telling the auntie off, and the direction translation for that phrase is “let the ghost fuck you”. Because he couldn’t speak Cantonese very well, his pronounciation was way off and instead of asking the auntie to give him kuay teow, he asked the auntie to be fucked by a ghost!

I noticed a guy got choke by his own food nearby, and a girl was wiping tears from her eyes. I slowly walked away while laughing, and pretended that I didn’t know him at all…

Years later, Bernard is now residing in Hong Kong, and taking up training as a pilot for Cathay Pacific. Oh, and after years of training, he can speaking ultra fluent Cantonese now.

13
Dec

::: the vcd :::

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: Entertaintment and weird shit

I remember that few years back when I first came back from the states, I hung out with a close friend of mine, Khien. There was this vcd incident that was always on my mind. Today when I was checking, Khien, who is still in the states (went back to the states after I came back), left some comments and that reminded me again of what happened…

It was a normal night as any other night, and we went out for dinner at Taman Megah area. After we took our dinner, we noticed a lot of VCD vendors around that area (they are no longer there. It was years back). Khien told me that he actually bought quite a number of VCD there because its near to his place and he always took his dinner around there.

While browsing for the titles that we wanted to watch that night, a girl standing next to me asked the VCD vendor, “Hey boss, is this the original VCD?”

I looked at her, and Khien was busy shuffling through the VCDs and pretended that he didn’t notice. The VCD vendor? Well, he just looked at her like his eyes were going to pop out, and his jaws seems like had lost all the function to close the mouth.

It was a good 10 seconds that no one said a thing. Then the girl asked again, “Boss, I am asking you if this is an original VCD!”

I bursted into laughter, and Khien was giggling non-stop. The boss replied, “Hmmm… miss? We are pirated VCD vendor, we don’t sell original…”

Upon hearing that, I laughed louder and louder. Khien couldn’t supress his laugh, so he was bursting into laughter as well.

That girl looked at me, offended, and said, “Hey! Don’t have to be like that right? I meant to ask him if it was a clear version*” and with that, she walked away, after paying for the “original” VCD…

*NOTE: In Malaysia, a lot of those movies were recorded in the cinema. Most of the time, you’ll see that human shadow passing through the screen thanks to those fashionably late people, and then sometimes you will hear people coughing. The best was that one time I bought this cinema version VCD, the person who was recoding the show farted 3 times…

12
Dec

::: the lrt :::

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: Entertaintment and life

Today is a public holiday in Selangor state because today is Sultan of Selangor’s birthday (thanks dude, if not it would be a boring Monday…). After waking up early in the morning to send my girlfriend to LRT station at Kelana Jaya because her office is in Kuala Lumpur, so she didn’t have the luxury of the public holiday that I enjoyed! *mwahahahaha*

Anyway, during the afternoon, I went to KLCC to meet with her for lunch. After checking the traffic status, I thought better of driving down, so I took the LRT as well. During lunch, we spent some time walking a bit, and I was so casually dressed that people are looking at us because she was wearing her work jacket!

After some walking, I took the LRT back and it started to rain. For some reasons, a lot of people were taking LRT also, and I figured that they have also realized that the traffic was really bad in KL city (it was very bad indeed. I looked out from KLCC and saw traffic jam everywhere)… Once it reached Pasar Seni, the LRT was filled with people and it was jam-packed!

It started to rain heavily, and for some reasons, there was a leakage on the roof. At first no one notice it because it wasn’t really dripping. But then, when the LRT stopped at the various stations, because of the momentum of the train, the water just splashed down. Unfortunately, there was this Indian dude standing directly under the leak. And I do mean directly.

The water splashed on his head, right on the spot. Luckily it wasn’t a big splash, but it was big enough for everyone surrounding to notice it. And it so happened that the LRT was so packed, there’s no room for him to maneuver. So he was stranded there, and he acted like nothing happened. Unfortunately, once the water splashed on his head, and after a few seconds, the water started dripping all over his face….

It was a scene to behold with, and the people surrounding him was trying extremely hard to supress their laughs. Then these young girls, standing directly in front of me, was giggling at first, and then bursted into hysteric laughing. Influenced by them, a lot of people were laughing also.

Too bad I didn’t have an umbrella with me. If not, I would have given him the umbrella so that he can use the umbrella inside the LRT…

07
Dec

::: o/l bitch :::

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: Complaints, Entertaintment, General and about me

This morning when I was walking towards the elevator when I was at the reception hall at my office, I saw the door closing so I just rushed there. A guy was kind enough to press the “Open” button so that I could go in.

After I went in, only then I notice there was a lady standing on the other side of the elevator. I was really puzzle because she was looking very hostile towards the guy who opened the door for me, and she was looking at me angrily. The first thing I noticed about her was her look. She is UGLY. That’s the best description I can give.

She has those very dry and curvey hair (imagine maggie mee [translation: instant noodle] and blow that picture up by 10 times, and you will get the detail picture). She has really small eyes, flat nose, big mouth, and out-of-porpotion figure… She was wearing a simple T-shirt and a white jeans, while trying to act like OL. I am out of words to describe her.

After I went in, there were a few more ladies followed, and this ugly OL kept pressing the “Close” button and it almost squeezed the ladies to death! Luckily those ladies prevail and managed to get into the elevator. But the ulgy OL certainly got agitated because even after the elevator door was closed, she kept glaring at me and the kind guy who opened the door for me.

The elevator stopped, and the kind guy went out. Before he even step out of the elevator, the ugly bitch was continuously pressing the “Close” button so hard. Then the elevator stopped a few more times so the ladies went out to different floor, and she did the same to all of them.

That left both of us alone in the elevator. I was so scared that she would strip naked and started to rape me. Luckily she didn’t, but unluckily, she did something else that made me wanted to puke the stuff I had taken last night: she kept looking at the mirror (don’t ask me why those designers put mirrors in a fucking elevator!) and press and comb her hair using her hands! She didn’t do it once, or twice, but three fucking times!

I look at the indication panel, and saw that she was going to the 15th floor. Well, fuck me! My office is on the 16th floor! So I walked to the panel, and she the door opened, I kept pressing on the “Close” button trying to get the door to squeeze her to death. Again, she glared at me and I just pretended that I didn’t see her, and used my middle finger to push up my glasses!

God, I feel so happy to get back to those fuckers.

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