Archive for the 'about me' Category

28
Aug

Finding Myself

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: about me

Yesterday is history, and tomorrow is mystery. But today is a gift; that’s why it’s called Present - Master Oogway (Kung Fu Panda)

The night was running late, but I was still wide awake.

I looked up into the cloudy night sky, and saw the low cloud and the moon was hiding behind the cloud like a shy girl peeking at her man from behind the curtain. It was star-less but the weather was nice, and I could feel the wind brushing my arms and face gently like a kiss from a girl.

I grabbed hold of the fruit punch I bought from the nearby 7-11 store and took a big gulp. I was exhausted physically after the intensive badminton game, but mentally and spiritually, I was very much alive.

I could still remember the girl at the badminton court saying “Oh it’s okay” and the smile she gave me after I apologized for almost running into her. It was a sweet-weird smile.

I swatted the memory away. It was nothing sort of importance and I didn’t want to waste my time remembering something pointless like that.

The night was calm, but my mind was clouded with many thoughts. There have been a few things happening that they had been clouding my mind, affecting my judgment and worse of all, I couldn’t think straight for the past few days.

Enjoying the serenity of the night, the warm August wind swept my thoughts away and finally, my mind was crystal clear and I could sense myself for the first time in weeks. I was at a crossroad and I lost myself in the path of the journey, but now, I could finally find myself, thanks to the moonless sky and the fruit punch.

In a way, I am blessed.

08
Aug

untitled

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: about me

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; for it becomes your destiny! - Frank Outlaw

Standing under the street light, I tucked my right hand into the pocket of my jeans, while using the other hand to hold the cigarettes. My third since I arrived.

The night was clear and warm, and there were some nice August wind blowing against me, pressing my shirt onto my bare skin, brushing every strand of my hair, and I could feel the humidity kissing my face ever softly.

I looked around the street, and it was very quiet; not a single car passed by, not a single person was in sight. The street was completely deserted, and occasionally I could hear a dog or two barking from a far distance away.

I looked at my watch, and then took another drag on my cigarettes while enjoying the serene night in the neighborhood. Her neighborhood, not mine.

The remote gate gave out a soft click, and one of the doors opened slightly. She danced out from the door, giving me a broad smile while waving happily.

“Sorry to keep you waiting!” she exclaimed loudly.

I took one super deep drag on the cigarettes and threw the cigarettes butt into the drain, exhaled out the dispose, and gave her a big smile, a smile from ear to ear, and replied, “It’s okay dear. I just arrived anyway.”

I opened the car door for her, and then I started the engine. While I slotted to the first gear, she leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder.

“I am very tired,” she whispered softly.

“Okay, so do you want to rest?” I asked gently, while resisting the temptation to turn my head to sniff the scent of her shampoo, or to kiss her hair, or to touch her hair.

“But I am hungry! After dinner I will rest early,” she replied while shifting her head a bit to find a comfortable spot on my shoulder.

We found the food place and we laughed on the jokes while she was enjoying her dinner. I ate earlier so I was just having a drink while watching her.

On the way back, the Bangsar street was deserted. She rested her head on my shoulder again, taking a short nap while I was driving.

My heart beat went up a notch, and I couldn’t help but to hope that things were different, different in the way that she would see me differently. Instead of a “Brother”, I was hoping for something more intimate, something more. (No, I am not referring that she should see me like a “Father” kind of more)

When we reached her house, I nudged her softly, and she woke up. She rubbed her face a bit, gave me a sweet broad smile, and yawned.

“Oh we have reached,” she whispered, her voice was in a shade of coarse after waking up from a nap.

“Yup. Go and rest early, ok?”

“Okaaay…” she looked at me and gave me a smile again.

She closed the car door, and waved a long good bye to me. I waved back, while my heart was sinking deeper and deeper yet again.

I understood my role in this whole thing. No matter how I hated the role that I am playing, I have to continue because in a way, she needed me. In a way, that’s how I got to spend time with her.

I looked up the sky, and the night was cloudless and for once, I could see some stars in the cloudless night.

But my heart was clouded.

~The End~

05
Aug

Intensity

By Adrian 2 Comments
Categories: about me and life

Quote of the Day - Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?

She turned her gaze towards me, looking deep into my soul with her bright twinkling eyes, searching for an answer, searching for a clue.

My heart skipped a beat or two, and I used up all my strength to squeeze out a weak smile. Even though it was a weak smile, from years of field training in sales, no one noticed the weakness in that smile.

She smiled back, and the twinkling in her eyes shone brighter than ever. She shifted her weight by moving her feet, her head tilted slightly and she looked up into my eyes again, with curiosity, smiling, and her eyes were forever telling during that moment.

I inhaled, not knowing what to do, not sure how to react.

I looked her into the eyes, seeing a beautiful soul and a wonderful heart, and I felt that I was raising my hands. I resisted the urge to grab her shoulder to pull her nearer, closer to my heart, and I resisted the temptation to kiss her softly on the lips, to feel her soft lips onto mine for the very first time.

She raised her heels and leaned closer and taller, and she smiled to me again.

I froze and my mind went blank while my heart skipped another beat again. I looked at her, wondering if she was sending an invitation to get closer, to kiss her. Suddenly there was an explosion of joy inside me, and I was excited for the possibility of being able to kiss her for the very first time.

She said something, but I couldn’t focus on the conversation and all I saw was her lips moving, but the whole world was silent.

I thought I replied something, and she laughed, and she was slapping on my shoulder. I brought myself back into the conversation and asked her what did she just say. She laughed, “You were not making sense. What were you talking about?”

“I don’t know,” I replied honestly.

“You know, sorry for giving you the trouble,” I said. Her mom was complaining that we have been seeing each other for everyday for the past few weeks.

“Oh don’t worry about it. She’s like that and she will be fine.”

I turned my gaze towards the dog, and pretending that I was paying full attention to the dog but in fact, I was paying most of my attention to her.

She stood next to me, and nudged me using her shoulder, and she laughed.

We spent the next few minutes watching the dog playing on the grass, sniffing the scent left by others, checking out the birds chirping somewhere, and we talked about nothing but everything.

“You know,” she said, “I am very glad that you are here tonight.”

I turned and looked at her, mere inches away from me, resisting the temptation to hug her as tight as possible, feeling her heart beat against mine. “Oh yeah? Why is that?”

“Well, you are like an older brother to me, taking good care of me, and thanks for spending time with me,” she whispered.

I looked out the main gate, and then I checked my watch.

7:05am.

A ray of light just broke through the dark clouds, and the air was misted with morning frost. But my heart felt heavy and I felt that it was too bright.

“Guess what,” I gave out a weaker smile again, “I am glad that I am here too.”

Pretentious was the game.

After another few more minutes, I waved my good bye and moved the leaded legs of mine away from her house, through the main gate, and walked slowly to my car.

The door close with a thud, and my heart sunk deeper and deeper while the ray of light in the sky grew brighter.

Brother. I hate the word “Brother” ever since.

~ The End ~

30
Jul

7 Facts About Me

By Adrian 3 Comments
Categories: about me

I have been tagged by Seraphe about the 7 Facts about Myself.

Here’s the rules:

1. List these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.

I am known as a PR slut. The truth is, I am a loner by nature and I can stay quiet for days without talking to anyone.

I want to be an artistic person. I like to draw, paint, and I like photography. I am checking out some cool SLR camera

I love to travel, back-pack style and I don’t mind to travel alone. If there’s a really good company, then I don’t mind.

I love to dream, and I love to dream BIG. Sometimes I can continue dreaming for days, indulge in my own fantasy and vision.

I love cars, especially fast cars. Unfortunately, I can only look for far at this point as I cannot afford them.

I love watches. Again, I am not collecting due to budget constrains. Hopefully one day I will have the ones that I really like.

I used to be a gadget kind of guy. I used to love those fancy phones with lots of functions. Now, I am practical.

Here comes the list for the 7 person that I tag:
1. Han Haan (sorry about the typo)
2. May88_98
3. Ayesha
4. BlueSky

That’s it. I am not going to tag 7 people.

27
Jul

Life. Reorganize

By Adrian 2 Comments
Categories: about me, life and people

Some of you might notice that my blog churn out rate is not as high as before. Besides the hectic work schedule, spending time with Billy Bob, and a lot of midnight meeting with friend, I am busy reshuffling the people in my life.

Yes, you read that right. I am in the midst of reshuffling the people in my life.

Imagine an organization chart, where there are key personnel in key positions. Yup, I am reshuffling the people around me, moving their position according to their importance, capabilities, and “firing” certain individuals or groups in order to make a more swift and smooth “organization chart”.

Life is a constant. It is constantly changing, evolving, and we, as human, constantly growing and learning. So the people around us, except our family, will be constantly shifting as well. For this simple reason, I realized that my life was stagnant for months because (beside the fact that I was stupid enough not to see it) I was too focus on just certain aspect of my life until I ignored how the people around me had to evolve.

Sometimes it is sad that I know exactly what role I am playing in other peoples’ life, and I also know when exactly is the time that I will “phase out”, so to speak. When that happens, I will have to reorganize the life and the people to suit the current situation, the flow, and the “organization chart”.

So please bear with me for these few months for the low blog churn out rate. I am trying to reorganize my life, make arrangements, and trying very hard to have a good life, a happy life.

22
Jul

TV Commercial Shooting

By Adrian 3 Comments
Categories: about me, friends and observation

Let me clarify one thing first; I did not act in any TV commercial so you don’t have to sit in front of the TV to wait for my appearance, ok?

The other day a friend of mine called for dinner, so I went. She later told me, during dinner, that she was going to Pavillion for a TV Commercial shooting (its her work), so I went to Pavillion in the middle of the night to company her.

One way to describe it; interesting.

First of all, the setting up itself took about 2 hours (and its not a big set up, mind you). The lighting was adjusted again and again, the crew members running around to ensure that stage is as required by the producers and director, and then the choreographer was busy giving last minute instruction to ensure the artists and talents were doing the right move.

Then, the camera started to roll. One scene took at least few tries until everyone moved as a team and synchronized the move. Then the prop was removed and then another scene came up, and again, the choreographer was giving another last minute instruction whereas the director was in deep discussion with the camera man about the next scene while comparing to the storyboard.

Me? I was just standing around, watching in amusement and then not doing anything at all.

After 5 long hours, the director was agitated because they still had one more scene to go and yet it was about time to wrap as Pavillion management only allow them to shoot until 5 in the morning. He started using the megaphone to shout at the artists and talents, getting them to buckle up and be serious, and finally, it worked like magic!

Viola! It’s a wrap!

So what did I learn?

Apart from the fact that I can get a very flat ass (for sitting on the floor while waiting for my friend to be done), no matter how stupid the commercial looks (especially those late night commercials on TV), it actually requires a lot of effort and attention from the crew members (there were around 35 of them) and it wasn’t as simple as I had previously thought.

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PS: Sorry for the low quality picture. I was using my camera on my phone to capture those images. Furthermore, I don’t think its right for me to reveal which was the company that produced this TV Commercial and which commercial it is. I guess you will have to figure it out from the pictures :)

14
Jul

Billy Bob

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: about me and billy

Let me introduce you to Billy Bob.

Billy Bob is a 8 months old Golden Retriever and he has a white creamy coat that is still full of puppy fur. Those white creamy coat are like cotton soft, and they still have the distinctive puppy scent. Right now he’s shedding a lot as he’s changing is puppy coat to adult coat, so daily brushing is a must to keep the coat healthy and the house clean.

He is a bit under-weight, but he has great temperament; friendly, gentle, playful yet not aggressively so, loving, and intelligent. He can play with ball all day long, but when you require his attention, he will run to you immediately to spend time with you.

He has weak elbow and hip, but that’s because Golden Retrievers are prone to Hip dysplasia and sometimes, elbow dysplasia. Of course, I am trying my best to pump him up with higher protein food and supplements for hips and joints to boost him up, to make him gain a bit of weight, and walk him daily to build a stronger muscle and joints.

He likes to hold his toys in his mouth and doing so no matter where he goes. He will even hold his toys in his mouth when he go outside to wee-wee and poo-poo. He likes to take a car ride and when he’s in the car, he’ll just rest on the seat, not making noise and not jumping around.

My friends met him and they all love him dearly as he’s so gentle, loving, and so nice to play with.

Yes, Billy Bob the Goldie, and he’s my son now.

PS: More picture to come.

10
Jul

Now and Then

By Adrian 5 Comments
Categories: about me and friends

Traditionally, on some very special occasion, such as my birthday, I will reflect back and see what I had went through, how much I had grown and what am I experiencing now. Right at this moment, I am going to create a Now and Then list.

Again, the keyword is “Traditionally”. I am known for not following rules and creating my own rules. I am known not a traditional guy but being kinda creative. So I can say that this is not my birthday yet, but I just feel like creating such list for my up and coming birthday. Beside, this is my blog and I can write whatever I want, as and when I want. So bear with it.

Only selected few know about my actual birth date as I don’t like to celebrate it in a big fuzzy way.

Ok, I lied. Only selected few know about my actual birth date is because only few bother to remember my birthday, so in order to make myself feel better, I don’t tell anyone my birth date so that I won’t feel disappointed when I don’t at least get a SMS greeting from them.

Anyway, back to my list…

15 Years Ago, I…

  • Believed that the world was a beautiful place and there was so much to explore and learn
  • Believed that there was my true love waiting for me somewhere out there and it was for me to discover this person
  • Was hoping to lose my virginity as soon as possible
  • Was hoping to find the true meaning of life.

10 Years Ago, I….

  • Lost my father to heart disease.
  • Plunged into real world and had to grow up as fast as possible.
  • Saw the ugly faces of people and learned the fact that everyone has their price.
  • Saw the ugly side of the world.
  • Understood that sometimes women can be as unfaithful as men.
  • Got no time to think of meaning of life but to survive.

5 Years Ago, I…

  • Thought I found my true love.
  • Thought I understood the meaning of life.
  • Understood that the world was ugly but yet beautiful place.
  • Believed that love ones can be trusted.
  • Started to plan for future and implementing some of the plans.

Now, I…

  • Don’t believe in true love. The only thing that matters the most is finding someone who can tolerate each other for many years to come.
  • Realized that everyone has a different perception on meaning of life, and understand that we all have different role to fulfill in other peoples’ life.
  • Have to start all over again after loosing everything.
  • See the world as neither ugly nor beautiful.
  • Understand that no one can be trusted, completely.
  • Understand that nothing is forever, so if someone say that he/she will love you forever, that is nothing but lies.

These are the things that I had learned over the past 15 years. Some of them are great eye opener, some are some invaluable life long lessons I learned, and some of them are just understanding my life, my role and things like that.

Do you have a similar list? I am eager to find out what you have learned.

08
Jul

Love. Defined.

By Adrian 2 Comments
Categories: about me and observation

I just wish that you can find your true love

I looked at the tiny screen on my mobile, contemplating my course of action on responding to the text message. I pressed the “Reply” button, the cursor blinking, my fingers resting on the keypad, thinking how I should construct the sentence to tell her how I really feel.

Blink. Blink.

I am no longer in my late teens, so I don’t believe in true love anymore.

I pressed the “Close” button and exited the Messaging menu. Suddenly I realized that it is pointless for me to reply that message, and it is pointless for me to type out the way I look at relationship, or so-called love. She doesn’t need to understand my definition on this matter, but I am writing about it now because I feel like sharing my views and opinions with my readers.

I don’t believe in true love. Love is Disney Land, and also Hollywood. Yes, did you watch the cartoon by Disney when we were young, like Sleeping Beauty? Snow White? How about Cinderella? Let’s not forget my personal favorite, Mermaid, because it’s the only Disney cartoon that shows a girl half naked. Anyway, you get what I mean.

I don’t believe in “Forever” as 3 months is already a life time. When I heard someone said “I will love you forever”, I snickered and I believe the person saying it meant it at that time but he/she has no fucking idea how long is his/her definition of “forever”. More unfortunate is the fact that people like to be lied with, so when we hear our partner saying “I will love you forever”, we feel happy and we wanted to believe those words, hoping that forever is really forever.

So here’s my definition, and I am so going to Blockquote it.

Love, like marriage, is about finding a person whom you find comfort in, enjoying the company that this person provides, exploring and satisfying the basic needs of sex, appreciating this person’s good values, and most, and I do mean MOST, importantly, tolerating this person’s flaw.

There you have it, my definition of love, relationship, and marriage. You might agree with it, or disagree with it, but that’s just how I look at it, and how I generally feel about it.

After going through a few rough patches, meeting so many people, understanding how things work, observing the friends, people, society and everything, that’s how I see and understand this weird thing call Love. It is a feeling, and feeling is something very abstract that cannot be defined (well, you can define it but everyone has different definition) and documented. But the truth is, feelings do change from time to time, and my definition on love is about finding someone you are comfortable with, can laugh with the jokes, satisfied sexually, likes his/her great things, and most important, can tolerate and accept the flaws.

So how do you see love? How do you define it?

05
Jul

RAGE 2

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: about me, fuck ups and rants and raves

For the first time in my 32 odd years life, I discover that I have such capacity to have such depth of hatred and rage towards some one. I am writing this right now doesn’t mean that the rage and hatred subsided. In fact, it is still burning every inch of my skin and melting my internal organs at a rapid rate.

I contemplated for a while, and decided to send her a SMS, not as a closure but more so as the final message to her conveying my wish and hatred towards her.

This is the last time that you will ever hear from me. Thank you for all the lies. Luckily I do not have to listen to your lies anymore. I hope you believe in karma and I wish that you, your families and friends will all go broke, end up sleeping on the street and then die in the most ugliest and disgusting way, the best if its right now, right at this moment, right in front of me. Just in case your numb nut brain cannot comprehend, this is not a threat and this will be the last from me so I am not trying to harass you, but conveying my biggest wish to you. I will pray very hard and hope that my wish will come true. Again, thank you, and please die as soon as possible.

For the very first time in my 32 odd years of life, I made such wish towards a person. For the very first time in my 32 odd years of life, I felt that this person is such scum and is a complete was of earth resources and she should be removed from the surface of the earth. For the very first time in my 32 odd years of life, I made such wishes towards a person and the friends and families. For the very first time in my 32 odd years of life, I wish that a person will rot in hell and will never get a chance for reincarnation and see the daylight. For the first time of my 32 odd years of life, I want a person to suffer forever until the end of earth.

I am not even willing to get my hand dirty. All I wish for is that she and everyone around her will just fucking die by the ugliest and most disgusting way, be it nature force, accidents, or whatever. I don’t want to stain my hands with their dirt, because they are just purely disgusting and I will never be able to wash away those dirt.

If there is a voodoo way or whatsoever that can grant me my wishes, and even if that means I have to repay back using 30 years of my remaining life, I would do it and make that wish.

Yes, this is how much I hate this scumbag of the earth right now.

I am not allowing comment because I don’t want to remark further regarding these issues. So if you respect me, at least as a human being, please do not ask me. If I have a chance to meet up with you and decided to pour it out, so be it.

Related post:
RAGE

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