Rant & Raves

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; for it becomes your destiny! - Frank Outlaw

Standing under the street light, I tucked my right hand into the pocket of my jeans, while using the other hand to hold the cigarettes. My third since I arrived.

The night was clear and warm, and there were some nice August wind blowing against me, pressing my shirt onto my bare skin, brushing every strand of my hair, and I could feel the humidity kissing my face ever softly.

I looked around the street, and it was very quiet; not a single car passed by, not a single person was in sight. The street was completely deserted, and occasionally I could hear a dog or two barking from a far distance away.

I looked at my watch, and then took another drag on my cigarettes while enjoying the serene night in the neighborhood. Her neighborhood, not mine.

The remote gate gave out a soft click, and one of the doors opened slightly. She danced out from the door, giving me a broad smile while waving happily.

“Sorry to keep you waiting!” she exclaimed loudly.

I took one super deep drag on the cigarettes and threw the cigarettes butt into the drain, exhaled out the dispose, and gave her a big smile, a smile from ear to ear, and replied, “It’s okay dear. I just arrived anyway.”

I opened the car door for her, and then I started the engine. While I slotted to the first gear, she leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder.

“I am very tired,” she whispered softly.

“Okay, so do you want to rest?” I asked gently, while resisting the temptation to turn my head to sniff the scent of her shampoo, or to kiss her hair, or to touch her hair.

“But I am hungry! After dinner I will rest early,” she replied while shifting her head a bit to find a comfortable spot on my shoulder.

We found the food place and we laughed on the jokes while she was enjoying her dinner. I ate earlier so I was just having a drink while watching her.

On the way back, the Bangsar street was deserted. She rested her head on my shoulder again, taking a short nap while I was driving.

My heart beat went up a notch, and I couldn’t help but to hope that things were different, different in the way that she would see me differently. Instead of a “Brother”, I was hoping for something more intimate, something more. (No, I am not referring that she should see me like a “Father” kind of more)

When we reached her house, I nudged her softly, and she woke up. She rubbed her face a bit, gave me a sweet broad smile, and yawned.

“Oh we have reached,” she whispered, her voice was in a shade of coarse after waking up from a nap.

“Yup. Go and rest early, ok?”

“Okaaay…” she looked at me and gave me a smile again.

She closed the car door, and waved a long good bye to me. I waved back, while my heart was sinking deeper and deeper yet again.

I understood my role in this whole thing. No matter how I hated the role that I am playing, I have to continue because in a way, she needed me. In a way, that’s how I got to spend time with her.

I looked up the sky, and the night was cloudless and for once, I could see some stars in the cloudless night.

But my heart was clouded.

~The End~