Rant & Raves

Quote of the Day - Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?

She turned her gaze towards me, looking deep into my soul with her bright twinkling eyes, searching for an answer, searching for a clue.

My heart skipped a beat or two, and I used up all my strength to squeeze out a weak smile. Even though it was a weak smile, from years of field training in sales, no one noticed the weakness in that smile.

She smiled back, and the twinkling in her eyes shone brighter than ever. She shifted her weight by moving her feet, her head tilted slightly and she looked up into my eyes again, with curiosity, smiling, and her eyes were forever telling during that moment.

I inhaled, not knowing what to do, not sure how to react.

I looked her into the eyes, seeing a beautiful soul and a wonderful heart, and I felt that I was raising my hands. I resisted the urge to grab her shoulder to pull her nearer, closer to my heart, and I resisted the temptation to kiss her softly on the lips, to feel her soft lips onto mine for the very first time.

She raised her heels and leaned closer and taller, and she smiled to me again.

I froze and my mind went blank while my heart skipped another beat again. I looked at her, wondering if she was sending an invitation to get closer, to kiss her. Suddenly there was an explosion of joy inside me, and I was excited for the possibility of being able to kiss her for the very first time.

She said something, but I couldn’t focus on the conversation and all I saw was her lips moving, but the whole world was silent.

I thought I replied something, and she laughed, and she was slapping on my shoulder. I brought myself back into the conversation and asked her what did she just say. She laughed, “You were not making sense. What were you talking about?”

“I don’t know,” I replied honestly.

“You know, sorry for giving you the trouble,” I said. Her mom was complaining that we have been seeing each other for everyday for the past few weeks.

“Oh don’t worry about it. She’s like that and she will be fine.”

I turned my gaze towards the dog, and pretending that I was paying full attention to the dog but in fact, I was paying most of my attention to her.

She stood next to me, and nudged me using her shoulder, and she laughed.

We spent the next few minutes watching the dog playing on the grass, sniffing the scent left by others, checking out the birds chirping somewhere, and we talked about nothing but everything.

“You know,” she said, “I am very glad that you are here tonight.”

I turned and looked at her, mere inches away from me, resisting the temptation to hug her as tight as possible, feeling her heart beat against mine. “Oh yeah? Why is that?”

“Well, you are like an older brother to me, taking good care of me, and thanks for spending time with me,” she whispered.

I looked out the main gate, and then I checked my watch.

7:05am.

A ray of light just broke through the dark clouds, and the air was misted with morning frost. But my heart felt heavy and I felt that it was too bright.

“Guess what,” I gave out a weaker smile again, “I am glad that I am here too.”

Pretentious was the game.

After another few more minutes, I waved my good bye and moved the leaded legs of mine away from her house, through the main gate, and walked slowly to my car.

The door close with a thud, and my heart sunk deeper and deeper while the ray of light in the sky grew brighter.

Brother. I hate the word “Brother” ever since.

~ The End ~