Archive for August, 2008

29
Aug

Censored

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: people and rants and raves

Today I just saw the news that Malaysia Communications and Multimedia Commission (MCMC) has ordered the ISPs to block access to Malaysia-Today portal (source).

PETALING JAYA: All 21 Internet Service Providers (ISPs) in the country have been ordered by the Malaysian Communications and Multimedia Commission (MCMC) to block the controversial Malaysia Today website, an industry source revealed.

The notices were sent out on Tuesday in accordance with Section 263 of the Communications and Multimedia Act.

“This means that MCMC is allowed to block any particular website which has committed acts that contravene the local laws of the country, for example, sedition,” the source said.

Meanwhile, Malaysia Today editor Raja Petra Kamaruddin lashed out against the blocking of the online portal, saying it was a breach of the Multimedia Super Corridor (MSC) charter.

Under the MSC Malaysia 10-Point Bill of Guarantees, it is stated that as part of its commitment to ensuring the success of MSC Status companies, the Government promised to “ensure no Internet censorship”.

“The Government has clearly broken its own promise,” said Raja Petra yesterday. Asked whether he was notified of the reasons of the blocking, he answered no.

“I will turn this into a big issue, no doubt. When it is known that the Government has violated the charter, MSC will die. I will personally see to it,” he said.

TMnet, the country’s biggest ISP, Maxis and Time refused to comment.

However, at 11.30pm, a check by The Star found that Malaysia Today has launched a mirror site which can be easily accessed.

Hmmm.. this is really something interesting.

First of all, is the gahmen admitting that they are losing the Internet war? If this is not the case, then why the gahmen is censoring the Internet?

Or is it because the editor of Malaysia-Today, Raja Petra, revealed too much information about the gahmen so gahmen fears that the public will know too much? If that’s not the case, then why censor the website from the public? If Raja Petra did not open up too much cans of worms, why the fear and hide and censor the Internet? If those allegations were not true, why not counter these allegations with proof instead of barking nonsensically?

Or the gahmen only want the people of Malaysia to read those controlled mass media? Then what’s the difference between communism and all this crap? Might as well as limit emails, Internet, phone calls, and only allow controlled newspaper, radio stations, tv stations, books and all that. That would be easier, no?

It’s something I don’t understand, and I can’t be bother enough to spend too much time thinking about all these nonsense. These adults are not acting like one anyway, so better don’t waste time and energy with them.

28
Aug

Finding Myself

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: about me

Yesterday is history, and tomorrow is mystery. But today is a gift; that’s why it’s called Present - Master Oogway (Kung Fu Panda)

The night was running late, but I was still wide awake.

I looked up into the cloudy night sky, and saw the low cloud and the moon was hiding behind the cloud like a shy girl peeking at her man from behind the curtain. It was star-less but the weather was nice, and I could feel the wind brushing my arms and face gently like a kiss from a girl.

I grabbed hold of the fruit punch I bought from the nearby 7-11 store and took a big gulp. I was exhausted physically after the intensive badminton game, but mentally and spiritually, I was very much alive.

I could still remember the girl at the badminton court saying “Oh it’s okay” and the smile she gave me after I apologized for almost running into her. It was a sweet-weird smile.

I swatted the memory away. It was nothing sort of importance and I didn’t want to waste my time remembering something pointless like that.

The night was calm, but my mind was clouded with many thoughts. There have been a few things happening that they had been clouding my mind, affecting my judgment and worse of all, I couldn’t think straight for the past few days.

Enjoying the serenity of the night, the warm August wind swept my thoughts away and finally, my mind was crystal clear and I could sense myself for the first time in weeks. I was at a crossroad and I lost myself in the path of the journey, but now, I could finally find myself, thanks to the moonless sky and the fruit punch.

In a way, I am blessed.

25
Aug

You Don’t Mess With Zohan

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: Entertainment and movie

During the weekend, I went to watch You Don’t Mess with Zohan with a group of friends. It was one of the most anticipated movie from Adam Sandler but I left the cinema unsatisfied and wanting for more.

First of all, Zohan is a really funny movie. But after some of his best (so far) like 50 First Dates, Spanglish, The Longest Yard, Click, Reign Over Me, and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, Zohan is a bit of a disappointment.

50 First Dates is just pure funny and yet romantic in a way. Spanglish (with the super yummy Paz Vega) is hilarious yet very meaningful, and Click, which has lots of meaning to it and it touched a lot of people’s heart and hilarious at the same time. Reign Over Me is not a comedy, I think, but it was one of the best Adamn Sandler’s performance that showcase how passing of a love one can affect a perfectly healthy person.

But Zohan is based on stupid-nonsense-erotic-cheap jokes where the director and the actors were playing cheap jokes on penises and boobs and vaginas. I mean, at the beginning it was damn funny, but towards the middle of the movie, I got tired of those cheap jokes and wonder where’s the usual depth in Sandler’s movies. Maybe, just maybe, I don’t get the issues about Palestine and Israel and the whole middle east, but I think I do know enough about their political situations that it wasn’t funny as Sandler portrayed it.

I am not going to go into details of the movie, as you can go to the various website or the official Zohan website (here) to get a glimpse of the movie or something because I don’t think I want to spend that time to write about something I didn’t really enjoy (well, to be fair and frank, I did enjoy the company of the friends very much).

Was it worth the RM10 for the movie admission?

There are two ways to look at it. If you are looking for the usual good stuff from Adam Sandler, then no, save that RM10 and buy back one of those older movies from Adam Sandler’s. But if you are bored and looking for cheap laugh, then yes, it will definitely worth that hard-earn RM10 of yours.

14
Aug

my role

By Adrian 3 Comments
Categories: observation

Angels sent me here to be your rest area, so you can stop and rest when you are tired on your life journey. Angels sent me here to be your lighthouse, so that I can show you the way when you are completely lost in the utter darkness. Angels send me away when you don’t need me anymore.

There is an old saying that everyone that comes into our lives serves a purpose, a role, and when the purpose or role is fulfilled, they will disappear from our lives until the next time. Some of them stay longer, and some of them don’t. Ultimately, the end result is the same; they will disappear while new people will come into our lives to fulfill their purposes, their roles.

I am not referring the roles or purposes as the intention to be used. I am referring to the God (whichever God you are serving) intended way for us to come to this world, know the people that we know, cross-path with the people that don’t stay on for too long. That’s the roles and purposes that I am referring to.

Sometimes I would sit down, a bottle of ice-cold beer in hand, and I flashback on the people that I have met in my life. Sometimes I would wonder what was my purpose, the role that I was playing, in their lives and what was the thing that I needed to do to fulfill my “responsibilities”. Sometimes I know the answers, but sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I would wonder what were their roles or responsibilities when they appear in my life. Were they there to teach me lessons, to help me, to make me realize what kind of person I am, to make me realize what kind of person I want to be, and to make me realize what kind of girl(s) I want in life to make me truly happy?

When I look back to my previous experience, I noticed that sometimes I would cross path with someone, a complete stranger, and we would become friends. Then most often than not, they were someone troubled by life and I was there to give support, advices, helps, in whatever means I can provide. Then, when they recovered, they move on, and we lost touch, and that’s about it. So the sole purpose of me appearing in their lives, crossing the path with them, was just to help them out?

And this happened not only once but many times.

Somehow I sense that this is happening, right at this moment, that my new role is to give a helping hand and once things are done, once my “responsibilities” are fulfilled, both of us will move on to our intended path to continue our life journey.

On the other hand, her purpose is to help me to get over something that has been bothering me, realizing that I am still capable of having feelings for someone, and finally revealing the break-up to my family.

08
Aug

untitled

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: about me

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; for it becomes your destiny! - Frank Outlaw

Standing under the street light, I tucked my right hand into the pocket of my jeans, while using the other hand to hold the cigarettes. My third since I arrived.

The night was clear and warm, and there were some nice August wind blowing against me, pressing my shirt onto my bare skin, brushing every strand of my hair, and I could feel the humidity kissing my face ever softly.

I looked around the street, and it was very quiet; not a single car passed by, not a single person was in sight. The street was completely deserted, and occasionally I could hear a dog or two barking from a far distance away.

I looked at my watch, and then took another drag on my cigarettes while enjoying the serene night in the neighborhood. Her neighborhood, not mine.

The remote gate gave out a soft click, and one of the doors opened slightly. She danced out from the door, giving me a broad smile while waving happily.

“Sorry to keep you waiting!” she exclaimed loudly.

I took one super deep drag on the cigarettes and threw the cigarettes butt into the drain, exhaled out the dispose, and gave her a big smile, a smile from ear to ear, and replied, “It’s okay dear. I just arrived anyway.”

I opened the car door for her, and then I started the engine. While I slotted to the first gear, she leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder.

“I am very tired,” she whispered softly.

“Okay, so do you want to rest?” I asked gently, while resisting the temptation to turn my head to sniff the scent of her shampoo, or to kiss her hair, or to touch her hair.

“But I am hungry! After dinner I will rest early,” she replied while shifting her head a bit to find a comfortable spot on my shoulder.

We found the food place and we laughed on the jokes while she was enjoying her dinner. I ate earlier so I was just having a drink while watching her.

On the way back, the Bangsar street was deserted. She rested her head on my shoulder again, taking a short nap while I was driving.

My heart beat went up a notch, and I couldn’t help but to hope that things were different, different in the way that she would see me differently. Instead of a “Brother”, I was hoping for something more intimate, something more. (No, I am not referring that she should see me like a “Father” kind of more)

When we reached her house, I nudged her softly, and she woke up. She rubbed her face a bit, gave me a sweet broad smile, and yawned.

“Oh we have reached,” she whispered, her voice was in a shade of coarse after waking up from a nap.

“Yup. Go and rest early, ok?”

“Okaaay…” she looked at me and gave me a smile again.

She closed the car door, and waved a long good bye to me. I waved back, while my heart was sinking deeper and deeper yet again.

I understood my role in this whole thing. No matter how I hated the role that I am playing, I have to continue because in a way, she needed me. In a way, that’s how I got to spend time with her.

I looked up the sky, and the night was cloudless and for once, I could see some stars in the cloudless night.

But my heart was clouded.

~The End~

05
Aug

Intensity

By Adrian 2 Comments
Categories: about me and life

Quote of the Day - Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?

She turned her gaze towards me, looking deep into my soul with her bright twinkling eyes, searching for an answer, searching for a clue.

My heart skipped a beat or two, and I used up all my strength to squeeze out a weak smile. Even though it was a weak smile, from years of field training in sales, no one noticed the weakness in that smile.

She smiled back, and the twinkling in her eyes shone brighter than ever. She shifted her weight by moving her feet, her head tilted slightly and she looked up into my eyes again, with curiosity, smiling, and her eyes were forever telling during that moment.

I inhaled, not knowing what to do, not sure how to react.

I looked her into the eyes, seeing a beautiful soul and a wonderful heart, and I felt that I was raising my hands. I resisted the urge to grab her shoulder to pull her nearer, closer to my heart, and I resisted the temptation to kiss her softly on the lips, to feel her soft lips onto mine for the very first time.

She raised her heels and leaned closer and taller, and she smiled to me again.

I froze and my mind went blank while my heart skipped another beat again. I looked at her, wondering if she was sending an invitation to get closer, to kiss her. Suddenly there was an explosion of joy inside me, and I was excited for the possibility of being able to kiss her for the very first time.

She said something, but I couldn’t focus on the conversation and all I saw was her lips moving, but the whole world was silent.

I thought I replied something, and she laughed, and she was slapping on my shoulder. I brought myself back into the conversation and asked her what did she just say. She laughed, “You were not making sense. What were you talking about?”

“I don’t know,” I replied honestly.

“You know, sorry for giving you the trouble,” I said. Her mom was complaining that we have been seeing each other for everyday for the past few weeks.

“Oh don’t worry about it. She’s like that and she will be fine.”

I turned my gaze towards the dog, and pretending that I was paying full attention to the dog but in fact, I was paying most of my attention to her.

She stood next to me, and nudged me using her shoulder, and she laughed.

We spent the next few minutes watching the dog playing on the grass, sniffing the scent left by others, checking out the birds chirping somewhere, and we talked about nothing but everything.

“You know,” she said, “I am very glad that you are here tonight.”

I turned and looked at her, mere inches away from me, resisting the temptation to hug her as tight as possible, feeling her heart beat against mine. “Oh yeah? Why is that?”

“Well, you are like an older brother to me, taking good care of me, and thanks for spending time with me,” she whispered.

I looked out the main gate, and then I checked my watch.

7:05am.

A ray of light just broke through the dark clouds, and the air was misted with morning frost. But my heart felt heavy and I felt that it was too bright.

“Guess what,” I gave out a weaker smile again, “I am glad that I am here too.”

Pretentious was the game.

After another few more minutes, I waved my good bye and moved the leaded legs of mine away from her house, through the main gate, and walked slowly to my car.

The door close with a thud, and my heart sunk deeper and deeper while the ray of light in the sky grew brighter.

Brother. I hate the word “Brother” ever since.

~ The End ~

 

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