I am rather confused, and I am rather bemused.
Maybe I have been out of the so-called relationship circle for way too long, so I am not up-to-date on the Gen X (or Y, or Z, or what the fuck you wanna call it) way of relationship. I mean, I broke up 8 months ago, but I was in a relationship for more than 4 years and I had no idea what is happening outside the world I used to live in.
Maybe my dear readers will be able to help me to decipher the following code (imagine that you are living the life of Robert Langdon and you are trying to decipher the Da Vinci Code):
Please don’t treat me so nice. That will only give me pressure.
Of course, in order for you, my dear readers, to decipher, I have to give you some boundary conditions to work on. So please assume the following statements are true;
1. We are in a relationship.
2. I like her a lot.
3. She likes me a lot.
I guess that’s enough boundary conditions for you to work on. So what’s your guess (or your best guess)? Is this some GenX (or Y, or Z, or whatever shit you wanna call it) or some new Zen trend thing?
I dunno. From my generation, when a man is interested in a girl, or likes a girl, or treats the girl as the girlfriend, he will be nice to her, to protect her, to pamper her, to take care of her, and most importantly, to love her. Asking him to be abusive (that girl gotta be one hell of a weirdo) is just not funny. Asking him not to be so nice to her sounds like she feels guilty because either (1) she’s not nice to him, or (2) she doesn’t like him so much.
And that’s just me. When I like someone, I will do whatever in my power to serve, protect and save. Okay, the save part is a bit out of line, and you get the general idea. For me, I will always be there, be supportive, to take care, pamper, and do whatever I can to make her happy. If there’s a real emergency (and I do mean REAL EMERGENCY), I can drop everything down, drive like a fanatic lunatic madman to rush to her. Sorry, you can’t change the strip of a zebra, and that’s just who I am.
Feel free to rip the comment page apart to let me what’s your take on this.
Thank you.
Maybe that is what you called the real love is near by you, is just you didn’t notice at all. For my opinion, if you love the girl (mean if you have a feeling), might as well give it a try.Anyway, good luck and all the best.
i said the same words to my bf once… well, not exactly same wording, but with the same meaning…
and what i meant was… i say this in my own words as if you were my bf, ok…?
“i am afraid i cannot love you back with the same intensity as you love me, and no, i am not having an affair…
when you spend money on me, i cannot afford the same in return, cos we are of different income family, i know that love should not be materialistic, but the world is built so that i can’t help but be influenced a bit…
i do stand up for you, when you are not around, when my friends comment about you…
i am afraid i cannot give you back what you give to me, i am always scared that show that i love you less than i really do, when in reality you are the best…
i do want you to protect me, but i want to be independant, cos you have other stuff to attend to, and it is not fair for me to take away so much of your time, even if you are willing, you need to sacrifice other important things just for me…
and this gives me pressure, i am scared that i can’t live up to your standards…”
maybe your girl is insecure…
I second may88-98’s comment.
“Please don’t treat me so nice…” is simply telling you she’s afraid you might be disappointed with her for who she is. Maybe she used to be in a relationship where everything is taken for granted for. She was used to and is comfortable with that and your generosity simply surprised her. She’s afraid she can’t come to the same level of generosity towards you.
Or another possible way of looking at it, while I do not know the entire story, is that she likes you a lot… but doesn’t want a serious relationship.
hiimeimei - Yup, I am giving it a go and see how it goes. But this time I will be more caution and not jumping into the loop of never ending heartbreaks.
may88_98 - I do see your point there in your write-up to your ex, and somehow I think I do understand that kind of feeling. I never felt that way and that’s why maybe I just don’t understand how that would feel like. Why would you want to feel inadequate? I mean, its not like everything must be 100% fair. We give and take, and we cannot say we must give equally or take equally. But I think I do understand….
al’sera - Wow, now that’s a point of view which I never thought of, and I think you are absolutely right. Recent conversation with her revealed more or less of what you thought (on the first point, not the second one). That’s why we should go out more often to have drinks so you can show me a different point of view!