Last night, after I sent her home, I took the LDP (Lebuhraya Damansara Puchong, known as Damansara Puchong Highway) to go home. It was late at night, so there were not a lot of cars and traffic was smooth, a sign we don’t see often enough during daytime.
During the journey, my speed was not more than 60 kmh (kilometer per hour), and that’s a first for me except during traffic jam session. For my many years driving on LDP, I had never for once gone slower than 90kmh, and many times I would travel much faster (don’t make me say how much as the police might be reading this post and decide to summon me). The speed freak in me still alive, after so many years. I still like to drive fast, but I don’t drive recklessly like a mad man anymore.
Last night was also the first time that I took notice of the undulation on the highway, the street lamp that was missing in some section, and also the many drainage systems cover along the highway. Normally I would just speed past them, remembering which turning has holes in order to avoid them, but last night, I noticed all that along the whole stretch of LDP from Puchong to Damansara.
The stereo was tuned to 94.50FM, but it was barely audible as I turned the volume to the minimum. My mind was clouded, and I had to use all my effort to push away all the thoughts, the negative thoughts, to concentrate on the matter in hands. I couldn’t afford a distraction, so I lower the volume of my radio to the minimum, and I listened to my heart and soul, searching the next course of action, thinking on what I should do, what I should have done, and what I need to do.
Before realizing it, I turned to the direction to my place, and then I realized that I wasn’t ready to go back. So I went to the nearest mamak (wikipedia reference here), ordered myself a drink, and sat there, looking at the projector TV but not seeing a thing. My mind was still racing, but there was a sliver lining in the clouds and I was closer to seeing the lights, the truth.
Sitting at the mamak alone, drinking the hot Nescafe, watching the football game (no idea what it was as I didn’t pay attention), and thinking, and thinking. I was there for more than an hour, and finally, I inhaled deeply, and I took out my phone. I punched the number pad frenziedly to compose a SMS (Short Messaging Service) to state the things that had been clouding my mind. I read it again and again after composing the message, and when I was satisfied with the wording and the meaning, I hit the Send button.
I exhaled. The rock inside me has been released and I finally could breath again.
Then my phone beeped. I opened the message and the reply was totally unexpected. Again, I was surrounded by dark clouds.
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