I hate Chinese New Year.
Yes, I will say it again, I HATE CHINESE NEW YEAR!
Every damn year, those noisy little nosy relatives will keep on drilling me questions, and if I were to make a Top 10 List of Questions that they will ask me, I will have to cross out 9 items. There’s only ONE damn question they know how to ask.
WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET MARRIED AND START GIVING OUT ANGPOW1?
Hello! Excuse me? Even if and when I get married, its none of your damn business okay? Just mind your own business and keep me out of it. This is my life and I have the goddamn right to get married when I feel like doing so. And I am trying to enjoy my single life.
Of course, I got to smile and pretend it was all good. Because I know that if I just say “Oh I just broke up with Maria,” and I can guarantee that all hell break loose. Those bunch of nosy relatives will surround me like quick sand, and drill me with more questions like, “Oh what’s wrong?”, “Awww what happened?”, or my favorite, “Why ah?”
HELLO! You guys are asking that question not because you are so damn concern about me, but you are just trying to find some gossip topic. And why? How am I suppose to answer you that? Furthermore, why should I explain anything to you? This is my life and I don’t have to explain a single thing to you.
Of course. I cannot say that also. Not when my mom is watching just around the corner. I mean, she has been teaching me to respect the elders and the relatives, so again, I got to use all my energy to force a smile or something that resembles a smile, and just smile.
So do you know why its so dreading? It’s not only that. It’s just so damn exhausting. Faking the smile whole day, trying to pretend nothing has happened. Worse of all, Chinese New Year is on February 7th, which is just a stone throw away, so I am not going to tell my family that my love life has just gone down the drain. They would be worried. So I can only tell them way after, like at least 6 months later, when I think the time is right.
Anyway, now that I am very single and available, I got the time to really dig through my mind and come up with a comparison between married life and a single life. Hope you like the list and if you find something extra to add, feel free to peel the comment page off!
| Married | Single |
|---|---|
| You are guaranteed that you will get laid. But sometimes you won’t get laid too and if you seek the spice outside, you are condemned not to get laid again by your wife or husband ever again. | Eating the same dish every night? BORING! But you can get laid by different ladies (or men, if you prefer it that way) as and when you want. Either by paying or some one night stand, and its good if you can find a fuck-buddy. |
| You got a home to go home to, and a place you can call home. | You can go anywhere you want, or wish, and everywhere is your home! |
| You know someone is waiting for you at home | You don’t have to call back to tell your husband/wife that you are going to be late. Hell, no one will give a fuck if you are not going home. |
| You know someone is there to care for you. (Well, if you are lucky. If you have a bitchy wife or a bastard husband, then forget about it) | Hey, the night is still young and the guys/ladies do care for you, for that few hours a night. So that’s good enough. |
| Some one loves you enough to decide to get married to you. Or maybe you just shot-gunned and got pregnant so the only choice is to get married. | You are the one who decide not to get married. So remember to wear rubber protection all the time! |
| You can start a family and have kids, grandchildren, and all that family stuff | You can get a dog and treat it as a son. I have been doing that…. |
| Your wife/husband will make dinner and await you to go home for dinner. | Eat out, can try different style like Korean, Japan, Italy, and best of all, there’s no dishes to wash. |
| During Chinese New Year, you can give out Angpow to the kids. That shows your generosity and also to tell the world that you are a grown up. (Don’t’ ask me. Apparently the ancient Chinese dude get married really early) | SHOW ME THE MONEY!!! Yes, you are still entitled to receive Angpow even when you are 50 and single. But I guess no one is willing to give you any once you hit 352. |
| You got someone to share your life, your happiness, your sadness, your sorrow, your prosperity, your wealth and just about everything else. | You got everything to yourself and you don’t have to share. Hell, you can have the whole bed to yourself so you can sleep in the center, the left, or the right, whichever way you fancy.. |
| You got someone to talk to when you feel lonely. That is if you guys are not arguing or your spouse is not nagging at you constantly. Being married doesn’t guarantee that you got someone to talk to. | You can call up friends to go out for drink, a late night session and don’t have to worry that your spouse will nag about it. Unless all your buddies are married and cannot company you anymore. So do what I do. I call up Maxis Customer Service and talk to them. |
| You can watch your kids play games on Playstation. | You can play games on the Playstation until the wee hours. |
| You got a husband/wife that care a lot about you. | No one is going to nag at you. |
| You have many occasions to celebrate together! | You don’t have to remember all those anniversaries or birthdays. Just remember yours and throw a big party! |
| You can buy something special for him/her during these special celebration and receive lavish gifts too. | You don’t have to waste money on someone else. Hell, pamper yourself with the things you want the most! |
| You have someone to watch your back on your spending so you both can save money to build a family. | No one is going to ask you “Honey, do you really need that Prada?” or “Honey, do you really need that new handphone?” |
| You have someone to clean up after you, or you have to clean up after someone, unless both of you are clean freak or messy people. | You want it clean? No problem. You want it messy? No one is gonna nag on you for being messy. |
So who can say getting married is definitely a good thing? I can see the benefits of staying single. Anyway, I want to stay single for as long as I want, and if I can maintain it that way until the day I die, however short-live my life is, or whatever long life I have. Yes, I want to remain single.
So eat that, you nosy little sucker relatives.
Remark #1: Angpow is a Chinese tradition that the adult, mostly married adult, give to a kid. Angpow means red packet and it a small pocketable red colored envelope that is filled with money. The sum of money inside depends on how much you like that person. If you really hate that person but you must give, you can just put in a note inside that says “Gong Xi Fatt Chai” (translation: wish you prosperity)
Remark #2: For the past couple of years, the amount of angpows I had received had dwelled in numbers. The quantity has dropped drastically and I can foresee that when I turn 35, no one is willing to give me any. Most likely they will pretend that I don’t exist anymore, or just smiled at me and say “You’ve got enough”. Niamah!
hey adrian, this is also one of the reasons i dislike CNY. someone used to tell me, who (younger than me) has even got a kid now etc. that moment, i was thinking, who doesn’t know she got married coz she was pregnant? I’m not gonna repeat such silly story in front of all of you. very sien with those kanasai relatives. i could reply with sarcastic words, but just try to avoid. haiz.
CNY is nowadays designed for kids. For us, adult, well, let’s just say its a dreaded season, especially when we are not married, or worse, if we are still single. Damn, and it is just around the corner and I have the urge to flee the town or something.
saddapppp laaaa wait I crai.
go travel somewhere else lor.. i will be at home, but not usually meeting the people coming. just stay at room.. get online or anything else..
x’ine - What’s the need for crying? Dread the relatives during CNY? Don’t we all the same? So what’s the point of crying? Just smile at them and say “Can you be so kindly to shut the fuck up? Thank you very much” (and don’t forget to give them the sweetest smile ever)
haan - Hole up in the room? Yup, I do that ever year. When relatives came by, I went outside, smiled, said my Hello, and straight away went back into my room. I online to play games, chat with friends, or read some books, or just sleep and sleep and sleep. Sometimes I got the desire to go somewhere, alone, during CNY but it is supposed to be a family reunion season so I’d feel bad if I have done so.
Haha, the post is so funny but true. Yes, sometimes those relatives just dun understand- but I think some are genuinely concerned even though it comes up bad. Actually, we are really not desperate for ang pows, heck, we get more pay in an hour’s worth of work. They don’t really have to add those comments like “next year I don’t wanna give you any more ang pows”- we do not even want to be there wasting our time if not for being our parents’ drivers. My single pals and I agree on this: ” better being single than divorced”. One of my friend got so fed-up of being asked the ’single’ question that she told them she’s gay (when in actual fact she’s not). She says that always shuts people up. This year, I would rather stay low profile at home- and I know lots of my single friends are staying at their homes, and going online. We’ll just keep a low profile till CNY is over, haha.
I hate Chinese New Years too. Actually, I hate anything that has to do with Chinese cultures and traditions. My mother is forcing me to visit her friend. Well, that’s her own fucking loser friend not mine. I have to show up there and act for a good one hour…and to think they say chinese new year is a time to relax! Yeah, I’d rather work 24 hours a day than see those mofos.
Yin Teing - Exactly. I don’t really need those angpow money. I mean, I don’t want to get married for now, and what does that got to do with them? I was thinking of coming up with a list of nasty “come back line” against these nosy relatives.
zigfrid - I feel sorry for you. I am not preaching that everyone should celebrate CNY. But claiming that you hate anything that has to do with Chinese cultures and traditions is just too strong of a word, and that can be called “RACIST”. We should learn how to respect other’s culture and traditions. But its your choosing and good luck to you.