I yet to have any mood to update my blog lately, so I do apologize to the lack of new post.
I am still trying very hard to adjust myself to my new life and the new environment. It is not an easy thing to do after spending 3 years 7 months and 8 days with the same person, and then out of sudden, that same person is no longer a part of your life. Or rather, refuses to be a part of your life anymore. If you get used to having that person in your life, and you did things together, you lived together in the same place for months, if not years, you went vacation together, then you will understand that it is not easy to adjust to your new life.
This sudden change of environment, or as I call it “transition”, is not as easy as people might think. Some of you might have experienced it few times, but it is still not easy no matter how many times you have tried it.
Sometimes when you drive, you might take the familiar route and ended up in front of the love-nest you built together. Sitting inside the car, engine running, and then you looked up; that’s the place where I used to call home. That’s the place where you had a lot of sweet and fond memories. That’s the place where you spent most of your nights for the past few years.
When you hear some really funny joke, or when something silly happened to your common friends, you picked up the phone and wanted to hit the Speed Dial, only to realize that you are not supposed to do that, and maybe she won’t be interested to pick up your calls anymore, or maybe the joke just won’t sound funny from you anymore. And then you start to miss the days when both of you can laugh your heart out on something silly. Then you contemplate long and hard if you should re-program the Speed Dial. If you do, you are afraid that things might change forever and there is no more chance for reunite. But if you don’t, you will stay at the same place forever, unable to move forward. So you still contemplate about re-programming the Speed Dial after 3 days.
Right now is the year end, with a lot of holidays coming, such as Christmas and New Year. There might be some wedding invitations as well. So you start to dread about these holidays, about these wedding invitations because people might start asking questions about your other half. Even your parents might ask, and your friends, and it is just so difficult to dig the wound to explain things while the wound is still fresh, and bleeding. Worse still is during these wedding dinners, your friends or relatives might ask the standard questions, “When is your turn to get married?” and you might think to yourself, “Getting married? What’s that?”
To avoid all these questions, the best way for you to do is to hide is a hole with the lights out at night, curl up with a glass of vodka, and wish that everyone will just leave you alone. You might even turn off your phone for the first time in your life just to avoid hearing any voices or SMS. Then you stare into the blank ceiling for hours, not really thinking, but mind racing fast onto something that you cannot grasp or comprehend. Without noticing it, the sky suddenly turned bright and the streets below started to show sign of life with cars and pedestrian. The ice in your vodka has melted long ago, the dew on the glass has gone long ago, and what remain is a nice moisture ring on the table, the content inside the glass remain untouched.
You feel alone, no matter where you go. Even if you have all your best friends surrounding you, you still have the deep sense that you are still alone. You don’t have to be alone, you hear them say. But you just feel that way, and most time than not, you just feel that people should just leave you alone.
Then you started to spend more time at work. It’s not that you don’t already spend a lot of time working. Instead of the usual 70 hours that you clock in per week, suddenly you start to clock in at least 100 hours per week, 7 days a week. You start work when everyone is still asleep, and you are still working when everyone else is already asleep, or having party somewhere. But do you care where is everyone else? Most probably not. You just bury yourself with all the work you can handle, and then more.
Eat? You don’t really taste the food anymore. It is just a mechanical movement of your body to get the energy to keep you going through the day. Or sometimes when you feel like it, you can go on for 2 days without eating, surviving with nothing but coffee. And it doesn’t help if you have many other things to worry about, like your own business, your own family, and many other things.
What you may have noticed is that sometimes when you are living in the low point of your life, and you thought that things couldn’t be worse, life will always prove you wrong again and again. No one is asking you to be pessimistic. Be positive, keep your head above the water, and even if the next big wave is going to hit you hard, pushing you further down, you should keep on kicking and use all the strength you have to keep your head above the water for that hope might prevail, and some one might come to your rescue, or things will turn better.
Unless when you keep your head above the water, you are strike by a fucking lightning and die.
I know I don’t really make sense talking in the perspective of a 3rd party, so you have to excuse me. I sometimes will laugh at nothing in particular at night, for no apparent reasons except that I could.
For this post, I am dedicating Michael Buble’s HOME to all my blog readers. I hope you will like this song as much as I do, at this moment. If you have a better half awaiting you, treat him/her well and cherish all the moment you have because it may not last. But I sincerely hope that your relationship will last forever.
[xspf]_start(TRUE, ‘order=3′)[/xspf]
Recent Comments