Rant & Raves

You don’t need a calendar to tell you it’s Valentine’s Day when:-

1. The price of rose increase by 1,000%
2. There is a sudden outbreak of love-shape balloons. Hell, there is a sudden outbreak of love-shape everything.
3. The public places are suddenly flooded by couples coming out from villages, cave, and every corner of the world, and they are extra mushy and they like to hug and kiss in public. Makes you wonder where the hell are these couples during normal day eh?
4. The packaging of consumer products has many choices as long as its pink.
5. When you call up your friends for dinner or drinks, they will tell you they had set a date with their girlfriends/boyfriends.

See, that’s not right. If the lovers are truly in love, everyday should be Valentine’s Day. If your lover is abusing you everyday except Valentine’s Day, is that still consider romantic? Getting one day break out of 365 doesn’t sound like a bargain to me.

After my careful observation and using my superior IQ, I realize that Valentine’s Day is actually not for the lovers, but for the businessman (or woman, if you insist) to charge sky-high for all their items without the need to feel guilty. That explains why the price of rose is like 100 times more expensive than normal, and why restaurants, combining their normal food into a Valentine’s package, and charge double on everything.

As usual, ever since last year, I come up with a list of gifts that you can give to your love ones. By no means this is only a guide, and you can be creative and modify those gifts.

For Her
Now you definitely have to be creative. Rose? That’s so last century. Diamond? Besides the fact that one small piece of diamond will bankrupt you or make you 10 years poorer, it is also very yesteryear.

Idea 1. Bouquet of Cactus
Yup, you read it right. How many people actually give a bouquet of cactus? None that you know of? Now that’s great because you definitely don’t want to be “just another guy who send roses”, and this is especially true if you want to go after the girl of your dream. You want to make a big impact impression, and a bouquet of cactus is a great start to get her to notice you.

Idea 2. A Gift Voucher
Now, this is not cheap-ass voucher I am talking about. Get her some very nice voucher like Dermologica’s facial voucher or some massage parlor’s voucher, and make an appointment for her. When she receives it, you tell her that she has been working very hard and she definitely deserves some rewards. Then, when she’s doing her facial and/or massage, you can have some free time to sip your coffee and read some magazines, or play some games on your PSP.

Of course, she will expect you to give her a massage yourself. But that’s just too much work, isn’t it? Tell her that she deserves a professional to give her total relaxation, instead of amateur like you whom might hurt her.

Idea 3. Romantic Dinner
Eating out at a nice restaurant? That’s so ancient until my great great grandfather refuses to do so. Cooking her a nice meal? Already suggested that last year. So this year, you should do something even more special for her.

Buy her favorite food, be it mamak food or Domino’s pizza. It doesn’t matter as long as those are her favorite food. And then, pack the food and bring her to a nice spot (like on a hill or something) and have a candle light dinner.

Unfortunately, the crime rate in Malaysia is escalating, so you might be robbed, or in worse case scenario, your girl might be rapped. Now that is a bad idea for a romantic valentine’s day right? Furthermore, you guys might become food for the mosquitoes.

Instead, you can clean up your balcony and put a small table there, light up some candles so you guys can enjoy a breezy evening with views (unless your balcony is facing another apartment or something, then you are fucked).

Idea 4. Romantic Trip
Isn’t it great if you can take your girl to France or Venice as a trip during Valentine’s Day? I mean, it is so romantic and you guys can screw each other out all the time in a hotel room. Unfortunately, it is way out of budget.

My solution? You can either take her to visit your mom (and call it a trip), or you can take her to somewhere nice. Genting is a good start, or how about Cameron Highland? If you want to save cost on accommodation, make it a day-trip so you don’t have to stay overnight. Another good place is Port Dickson.

Again, that depends on your budget. If you do not have budget, then just bring her to visit your mom and call that a trip, or if you are already staying in Port Dickson, just take her to the beach.

So you see, its not difficult to come up with a great gift ideas. A lot of people complained that they have no idea what to give to their girlfriends and they were agonizing over that. But just give yourself a few minutes and be creative, and I am sure you can come up with a list of ideas, of course not as good as mine.

(Note: The respond of your girl is not guaranteed. The author reserves the rights to ignore the readers if the readers get into deep shit for following this guide)

For Him
Easy. You girls are having it so easy until we should outlaw it.

Idea 1 (and there’s only ONE idea)
Buy a very nice and revealing lingerie, strip him naked, dance in front of him (or just move your ass a bit and for guys, that will be dancing. Remember to wear the lingerie you bought and wear nothing underneath), and have sex. Remember to praise him that he was so darn good in bed.

Another thing to remember is that you should do these in a private place, like your bedroom.

(Note: The author guarantee the effectiveness of this gift)