Rant & Raves

Since young, a lot of friends like to pick my brain on ideas, methods, and my opinions. It has been like this since as long as I can remember.

Sometime during highschool, female friends would just sat down next to me at the library, and casually popped a question on how to pick up guys.

XX: “Hey Ad, how do I pick up this J? He is really cute?”
ME: “Huh? What? Why are you asking me?”
XX: “Cos you are guy, and maybe you can give me a pointer or two.”
ME: “Hmmm… ok, who is that guy again?”
XX: “J…”
ME: “Oh him. He is outgoing kind of guy, extrovert, so you should…..”

Sometime, at the library again (to be honest, our highschool library was more like a place to talk instead of doing seriosu study. Well, it was air-conditiond, so we like to hang out there), some girl asked me to give them a course on sex education. (No, its not what you think. We did not do anything bad behind those bookshelves)

YY: “Hey Ad, just a question…”
ME: “Yeah sure. Shoot.”
YY: “How do guys get an erection?”
ME: “What?”
YY: “I mean, how come the penis will be erected, like from limp to hard, and what is the color of the sperm?”
ME: “Huh?? Why ask me?”

At the end I spent hours explaining to XX on the ways to pick up that J, and also spending hours to explain erection to YY, and at one point using my water bottle for illustration (don’t ask). Instead of doing my studies, I had helped more than 4 female friends ways to pick up the guys of their dreams, and also a few guy friends on how to go after those girls. But the biggest accomplishment was explaining erection in front of more than 10 girls (well, a lot of them were my junior whom I didn’t know, but I was surrounded by them that time and they listened).

Hey, all of that in highschool is a huge accomplishment, okay?

Then, one day, something strike me real hard. I suddenly woke up and asked myself, how come those girls kept asking me about ways to go after the guys and they always have the HOT for other guys, yet none of the girls would come after me?

Nope, even your highness like me couldn’t figure out an answer, and I didn’t get an answer from them (they told me “because you are a good friend!” or “well, you are like brother to me”. Okay, translation is I am not cute/hot enough for them. I didn’t accept that kind of excuse, of course). So that question was buried underground not long after that.

Now, its way after highschool and did anything change?

Not really. Just few years back one of my colleagues was asking me on how to go after this really cute guy (Cute meh? I asked). Again, I offered her the answers. Of course, when your highness like me came up with a plan, those two lovebirds are living happily forever and ever.

And then the friends will asked me on ways to deal with their bastard/bitchy colleagues or bosses, and again, I offered them my extremely valuable insights. How about business ideas? No problem, I gave them my ideas and opinions as well. They just love picking my brain for ideas and sometimes, I feel that they were actually brain surgeon giving me brain operation, trying to extract my brain from my skull, examining it carefully and poking here and there.

Man, maybe I should start charging some kind of consultation fee or something.