Archive for July, 2006

31
Jul

::: the swordfish, the sambal, and the swimming :::

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: friends

Ok, this is another hit on GSC @ 1Utama. Please click here for my previous experience.

During the weekend, Khien, SH, Maria and I went to GSC 1Utama to watch movie. After browsing during the minutes on the screen, we decided to watch Dragon Tiger Gate because there were not a lot of choice. But mainly we didn’t want to watch Lake House because:-

(a) The review said it suck bad,
(b) The conversation that went on during the wait

ME: “So what movie?”
SH: “Whatever also can. The Lake House also can.”
ME: “Huh?”
Khien: “That means she wants to watch The Lake House, but doesn’t want to say it out loud.”
ALL: “HAHAHAHAHA!”

So at the end I chose Dragon Tiger Gate just to piss her off.

For me, don’t turn a big circle to say something. Just be direct and tell me what you want or else I’ll piss you off in one big circle.

Anyway, when it was our turn, I asked the dude at the counter for Dragon Tiger Gate at 9:30pm.

Dude: “Sorry sir, the movie is fully booked today.”
ME: “What? You mean no more seats for the whole night?”
Dude: “Yes sir.”
ME: “Then why the screen [pointed at the screen on top] is showing ‘Selling Fast’ and not ‘Sold Out’?”
Dude: “Hehehe”

At that moment, I was really tempted to bitch-slap him. The image of me riding on top of him, scissor-locked him with my legs while bitch-slapping him was constantly in my mind and I was so tempted! He smirked at me!

Okay, maybe they saw my blog and the black-listed me from going into their premises in the future. Darn, I didn’t know I have such a wide audience.

Anyway, we went to Fish & Co. for dinner. For the guys, we ordered Salmon Cajun and Grilled Seasonal Fish (Cajun style), and for the ladies, Maria ordered one Sambal Fish and SH ordered the Swordfish Collar.

SH: “Give me one Swordfish Collar please.”
Waiter: “Sorry miss, the Swordfish Collar will take around 25 minutes. Is that okay?”
SH: “Make sure its very good.”
Waiter: “…..”
ME: “Hey, give us one Grilled Calamari to stuff her stomach because she is really hungry. Make it quick k?”
Waiter: “Hahah! Okay!”

Then SH glared at me.

Surely, my Grilled Seasonal Fish (Cajun style) came first, and then, it was Khien’s Salmon Cajun. Maria and SH waited and waited, and finally the Sambal Fish arrived. Our eyes almost popped out because it was so darn huge! And SH pointed at the fish and laughed heartedly because the fish was as big as Maria. Then, from the corner, we saw the waiter bringing out one huge wok and walking towards us. I mean, the wok itself is as huge as my ass, you can imagine how big it is.

Yes, the Swordfish Collar had arrived. This time it was our time to laugh at SH because her order wasn’t much better than Maria’s and she looked pale after seeing the Swordfish Collar. It was gigantic.

There were four male young patron next table and they were gawking at the Sambal Fish and Swordfish Collar.

Anyway, after spending a long time to finish our dinner (and most of the time laughing since we all joked about the size of the fishes) and when we were done, we swore not to eat fish for the next 3 months (oh come on, we being the boyfriends do have the duty to help them to finish their food, don’t we?)

ME: “Hey SH, it is customary for the waiter to ask ‘How is the food?’ so you gotta tell her ‘Big’ and that is the best summary.”
ALL: “Hahahah!”

Precisely that moment, a young and attractive waiter came over to clear the table, and she overheard the conversation. She tried very hard to supress her laugh, but failed miserably.

SH: “I’ll tell them ‘It worth the 25 minutes of my life.’”
ALL: “Hahahaha!”
ME: (asking the young waitress) “Do you want to ask us how is the food?”

Our poor young waitress couldn’t help it anymore and burst into hysterical laughter.

After paying for the food, we proceeded to the front (we were sitting at the back, the smoking area) and we saw a sign saying, PLEASE SWIM TO THE FRONT. SH was doing breaststroke, I was doing freestyle, Maria showing off her backstroke skill, whereas Khien was showing off his doggie style (since he doesn’t know how to swim).

A tear, as clear as summer spring, sprang from the waitress’s eyes. She was laughing very hard.

Did I mentioned that SH and Maria vowed not to eat fish for the next 3 months?

We are such jackasses, but funny one that is.

28
Jul

::: no outside food please :::

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: common sense and life

The other day Maria and I went to watch Pirates of the Caribbean at GSC @ 1Utama. We have anticipated the movie a lot and we had been waiting for a long while because Maria was outstation for one whole week.

Right before we went in, we saw this store selling nice tidbits (just outside of the ticketing area) so we went in, browsed and picked the things we wanted to munch during the movie. After making the payment, we proceeded to the entrance where these three dudes were collecting the ticket tabs for entrance (sometimes you have to wonder why the fuck they need 3 people to work on the job since it wasn’t very crowded on a weekday).

One of the guys saw our bags, and stopped us. For the sake of simplicity, I will just call him Bastard.

Bastard: “Sorry sir, no outside food allow.”
ME: “What outside food. I bought it at the store over there.” (pointed to the store)
Bastard: “Sorry sir, only food bought from our concession is allowed.”
ME: “So you mean if I buy things from that store (pointed to the store again) and I cannot bring them in?”
Bastard: “Yes, that’s correct sir.”
ME: “Confirm?”
Bastard: “Yessir.”
ME: “Then why the fuck you have a store in GSC premises and yet you don’t allow the moviegoers to buy things from there? If you do not allow it in the first place, then you should not allow the shop to be opened there!” (pointed to the store again while the people behind us gawked at us)
Bastard: “Sorry sir, that’s our policy.”
ME: “That’s a stupid policy. Do you believe that I will blog about this whole fucking situation and tell all my readers about it? Besides, I have thousand readers daily from all over the world.”

Okay, you cannot possibly think that I said the last sentence. Besides, I don’t have thousand readers falling on me daily. Hell, I’ll be lucky if I get thousand hits per year. Anyway, that’s a story for another day.

Back to the story.

Looking behind us, I saw that the line was getting longer. So instead of arguing with that bastard, I just glared at him, and said, “That’s a fucking stupid policy.”

Then Maria and I walked out of the line to the side, and Maria, being cool and calm as usual, just tugged the bag into her HUGE handbag. I mean, that handbag was really gigantic! Then, we went back to the line to catch our movie.

No one stopped us this time, and after going through the gate, I couldn’t resist but to throw them another hot glare and whipped out the bags of junk food, waved at them, and continued to our Cinema 2.

No outside food allowed? Sure! Just hide it.

Simple eh?

27
Jul

::: the fortune teller :::

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: friends

The other day Maria met up with a friend and that friend is an avid fortune-telling junkie, and her interest cover numerology, astrology, tarrot reading, and all the thing that involve fortune-telling, personality analysis and whatever you can think of.

Being a proud parent, Maria showed her Fluffy’s picture. She saw the pictures, and she exclaimed loudly, “Wow! So cute!”

Then she said Fluffy looks like having a good life, and in return, he will give good luck to his owners.

Guess what she said next?

She asked us to give Fluffy some cards and let him choose the numbers. Then we should buy those numbers.

Guess what?

I wrote down the numbers, from 0 to 9, on post-it notes (folded the adhesive side as not to poison him), and let him pick those number.

Then, do you know what?

Fluffy really did pick 4 numbers from all the notes on the floor.

Now, guess what???

WE

DID

NOT

STRIKE

THE FUCKING LOTTERY!

Damn. She is one half-baked fortune teller wannabe.

#$@!#!$

26
Jul

::: singlehood :::

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: Family and about me

There was a time when I was single and very available, and the period lasted for about 2 years. It wasn’t because I had turned homosexual or whatsoever but I wanted to enjoy life more, to have more and such. But my mom disagreed.

Mom asked my sister, “Hey, do you know what is wrong with your brother (that’s me, you smartass)?”
Sister: “Huh? What is wrong with him?”
Mom: “Well, lately only guys call him, and he doesn’t seem like he has a girlfriend.”
Sister: “Yeah so? What is wrong with that?”
Mom: “Your brother used to bring his girlfriends back, but now, it has been quite a long time… so I am worried”
Sister: “Worried about what?”
Mom: “I worried that he has turned gay.”
Sister: “Hahahahaha!”
Mom: “Can you please talk to him?”
Sister: “What? How?”
Mom: “I don’t know. You just talk to him.”

At the end, it was my brother-in-law who passed me the message because my sister found that talking about homosexuality with me is not a simple task, unless if we are talking about other people. Of course, I am not gay, not even close.

During this period of time, one of my ex was calling me. It was raining, and I was in Port Klang visiting a customer.

EX: “Hey Adrian dear, are you free now?”
ME: “Sort of. I just came out from customer’s place. What’s up?”
EX: “Oh I am at the Pudu station, and my boyfriend is having a meeting.”
ME: “Er… so?”
EX: “Well, can you give me a lift? Its raining heavily here.”
ME: “I am at Port Klang now and I have another meeting to catch. By the time I reach Pudu, it’ll be late already.”
EX: “So you mean you cannot come and pick me up lah?”
ME: “Yup, I can’t. Why not you take a taxi?”
EX: “You suck!”
ME: “Yeah, at least I suck good.”
EX: “Hahahaha”
ME: “Take a cab, and then claim your boyfriend. See ya!”
EX: “Bye!”

Well, something happened after that and somehow we just couldn’t remain friends. Let’s just say a jealous boyfriend is a dangerous animal and it would end up somewhere between very ugly and extremely ugly.

But I had my fun during that two years of singlehood.

Right now, at this stage of life, I am just contemplated to have found Maria and we are being together. Just spending one quiet evening together, doing nothing, and it felt wonderful. So yeah, I am out of singlehood.

25
Jul

::: young at heart :::

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: about me

This is simply frustrating.

I just hit the big THREE O! And I am still young at heart. But somehow my body is getting much older than I thought.

I have been having backache since the accident and yesterday, it was getting so serious that I had problem walking, and even sitting on the toilet bowl was a huge and daunting task for me. Imagine that the when the shit came out from the orifice, a small pressure like that could send throbbing and spasm pain. Mind you, the shit wasn’t particular huge in diameter.

This morning, enduring the torturing pain, I drove to the Chinese Massage and it was a torture. The reason was it was a painful session, but right after the massage, the pain was completely gone (except some minor muscle pain that I got during the massage) and I was able to walk and jump again!

But, it is still troubling me that I have a body of a 60 years old. So I am not going to write much today and rest more.

24
Jul

::: a girl tried to pick me up at the groomer’s place :::

By Adrian 8 Comments
Categories: life and weird shit

This is based on true story.

The other day I brought Fluffy to do his regular grooming. As I went in to the groomer’s place, there was this girl followed me into the shop, holding a long-hair Shih Tzu. Without thinking much, I took off Fluffy’s collar, his Adidog (not Adidas) shirt, and set him on the floor to explore the place.

Fluffy has been to that place many times so he was just exploring, sniffing out other dogs, and just being himself.

The girl (I will call her Z since I don’t know her name) went to that place for dog grooming as well, so she chatted with the groomer a bit while I was playing with Fluffy and the groomer’s dog (Golden Retriever. I am a sucker for Golden Retriever). Z then asked the groomer what time her Shih Tzu will be done, and the groomer told her it would take about two hours.

She was about to set off, but suddenly decided to stay in the shop. She started to play with the Golden Retriever, and then she started telling me about her Shih Tzu and how she’s taking care of the furkid while her sister is away on oversea trip. I answered her politely, and I continued playing with the Golden Retriever. Then, she started to massage the Goldie in a slow soft way, stroke the Goldie, scratched his ears, all the while throwing me a few glances and gave me a smile.

Yes, she was definitely giving me THE LOOK.

You know, THE LOOK like saying, “Hey handsome, wanna have tea together?” or “Hey hottie, you available?”

I threw her this look: o_O

I kept quiet for a few more minutes, because I didn’t want to be rude. The Goldie was very comfortable and he actually felt asleep on the floor. It was quiet, except some background music playing and the shaver that the groomer was operating. She threw me glances and gave me the seductive smile.

Finally, I stood up, and I said, “You know, under normal circumstances few years ago, I would have asked you out for coffee downstairs, but I am attached, so I am sorry.”

At first, she gave me this look: O.O

Then, the expression changed to: -.-”

I heard a loud thud, so I turned and I saw the groomer on the floor, sideway, pressing his stomach as if he has been shot in the stomach. But instead of groaning in pain, he was laughing and kicking on the floor. Then his assistant was wiping her eyes from the tears she shed, and the dogs, well, you don’t want to know about the dogs.

I collected myself, and informed the groomer that I would go for coffee and would pick up Fluffy afterwards, and the groomer said, “Hahaha…O…hahahaha…k….hahahahaha”

I left that place, and went for my daily dose of java to satisfy my caffein addiction. Man, how I can’t live without my coffee. But that’s another story for another day.

Guess I have read the signal wrongly.

PS: Actually the story is only partially true. The rest is made up by me.

23
Jul

::: brain operation :::

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: friends, life and weird shit

Since young, a lot of friends like to pick my brain on ideas, methods, and my opinions. It has been like this since as long as I can remember.

Sometime during highschool, female friends would just sat down next to me at the library, and casually popped a question on how to pick up guys.

XX: “Hey Ad, how do I pick up this J? He is really cute?”
ME: “Huh? What? Why are you asking me?”
XX: “Cos you are guy, and maybe you can give me a pointer or two.”
ME: “Hmmm… ok, who is that guy again?”
XX: “J…”
ME: “Oh him. He is outgoing kind of guy, extrovert, so you should…..”

Sometime, at the library again (to be honest, our highschool library was more like a place to talk instead of doing seriosu study. Well, it was air-conditiond, so we like to hang out there), some girl asked me to give them a course on sex education. (No, its not what you think. We did not do anything bad behind those bookshelves)

YY: “Hey Ad, just a question…”
ME: “Yeah sure. Shoot.”
YY: “How do guys get an erection?”
ME: “What?”
YY: “I mean, how come the penis will be erected, like from limp to hard, and what is the color of the sperm?”
ME: “Huh?? Why ask me?”

At the end I spent hours explaining to XX on the ways to pick up that J, and also spending hours to explain erection to YY, and at one point using my water bottle for illustration (don’t ask). Instead of doing my studies, I had helped more than 4 female friends ways to pick up the guys of their dreams, and also a few guy friends on how to go after those girls. But the biggest accomplishment was explaining erection in front of more than 10 girls (well, a lot of them were my junior whom I didn’t know, but I was surrounded by them that time and they listened).

Hey, all of that in highschool is a huge accomplishment, okay?

Then, one day, something strike me real hard. I suddenly woke up and asked myself, how come those girls kept asking me about ways to go after the guys and they always have the HOT for other guys, yet none of the girls would come after me?

Nope, even your highness like me couldn’t figure out an answer, and I didn’t get an answer from them (they told me “because you are a good friend!” or “well, you are like brother to me”. Okay, translation is I am not cute/hot enough for them. I didn’t accept that kind of excuse, of course). So that question was buried underground not long after that.

Now, its way after highschool and did anything change?

Not really. Just few years back one of my colleagues was asking me on how to go after this really cute guy (Cute meh? I asked). Again, I offered her the answers. Of course, when your highness like me came up with a plan, those two lovebirds are living happily forever and ever.

And then the friends will asked me on ways to deal with their bastard/bitchy colleagues or bosses, and again, I offered them my extremely valuable insights. How about business ideas? No problem, I gave them my ideas and opinions as well. They just love picking my brain for ideas and sometimes, I feel that they were actually brain surgeon giving me brain operation, trying to extract my brain from my skull, examining it carefully and poking here and there.

Man, maybe I should start charging some kind of consultation fee or something.

22
Jul

::: grandma :::

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: Family

When I used to be a kid, living is a small village where the back of my house (and my father’s wood factory) is a jungle, I used to spend a lot of time at my grandma’s place, which was just 1 minute walk away. The house was a mixed of wooden and concrete (meaning the lower-half is concrete and the top-half is wood) and it was always cool because of the trees around the house. We used to have a few mango trees around us and we get to eat mangos during the season.

Being such a cute little angel that I was, my grandma loved me a lot and she would always pampered me. She was the culprit of my coffee addiction, because at a young age, she would leave the pot of coffee on the table and I would help myself to a cup. Unfortunately, most of the time my uncle and grandpa would finish the coffee, and at the end, I was having a cup filled with 75% coffee beans. Yes, it was those traditional coffee where you need to filter the grinded coffee beans.

Did I care? Obviously not. I drank it with those coffee beans and that’s why now my coffee addiction level is much higher than average person. (Thanks grandma!)

Anyway, that place gave me a lot of childhood memories. I remembered how I was whipped by my parents after I was playing with fire at the garden, with my cousin, and pretended that we were cooking. (That’s how I trained myself to be such a good cook - it has been years and I have yet *touch wood* to food poison myself) But the main attraction wasn’t the cooking. It was the fire.

I also remember how I broke my elbow when I was a kid playing the swing. Well, I was playing, and then my cousin (yes, him again) pushed me real hard, and I just fell down, and my elbow went first. After I hurt myself, I sat on the recliner and I didn’t tell anyone. I just sat there for hours, and until my parents came to pick me up. They were puzzled that how could I just sit there without playing because I was such a cute little angel (Okay, the correct phrase should be “little playful devil”). They touched my, and suddenly I screamed like mad. They found out, and rushed me to the hospital for X-ray. Of course, I couldn’t avoid the typical ear cleaning session from my parents.

And then, I also witnessed another cousin of mine trying out his new shoe. He wore the new shoe, walked around (to show off), and did a kungfu kick in the air. Unfortunately, not because of his shoe but because of his stupidity, he fell down with a loud thud. Of course, being such a good kid, I gave out a big laugh.

Anyway, enough of those memories. Back to topic.

My grandma was very sweet and kind. She treated us with kindness and tenderness, and I remembered how she used to cover my ass when my parents found out about my mischieves. She would calm my parents down, asked them not to punish me, and if they did, she would sit down with me, talked to me and just hugged me.

In no way I am saying that my parents were the evil kind. They were just using the traditional way to whip some sense into me.

It has been years, and the other day I passed by the house, and I saw that the house was completely run down because no one has stayed there for years, and I felt a pang in my heart.

It was my childhood playground.

21
Jul

::: unreliable pdvd :::

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: life and weird shit

The other day when I was enjoying my sumptuous dinner and drowning my fruit juice, a young man in early 20’s with at least 4 colors on his hair approached me with a basket. Yup, he is our typical pDVD salesman walking the beat (the term I use).

He approached me with great enthusiatic and asked me if I wanted anything. Well, I was sucking my finger (yeah I use hand, but some food taste better when you use your hand) and all I wanted was that he go far away and don’t disturb my finger-sucking session. Then, that was the time I spotted the movie I have always wanted to watch, yet Maria has developed very little interest so at the end we did not watch it at the cinema.

ME: “Hey, this one, is it clear?”
pDVD salesguy: “Yeah, very klear! This is DVD 9 man!”
ME: “You sure its clear ya?”
pDVD: “Garanti klear! If not klear, come back and I change it flee!”

I nodded. I wanted to watch that particular movie so much and, against my better judgement, I just nodded at him to give me the pDVD. He fished out the movie I selected from his backpack, and he then put the pDVD into a non-descript plastic bag and handed me the movie while I gave him the money. He turned, walked away and approached another table with great enthuastic again.

After finishing my dinner and downed my fruit juice in 2 gulps, I proceeded to pay for my food and went home straight. First thing I did, was of course to play with Fluffy and then, I turned on the system. With great anticipation, I played the movie.

The first thing that came to screen after the brief introduction was two shadows, one male and a female, walking to their numbered seats. I thought, “Shit, I was fucked by that dude.” Then I was thinking, well, their are not obstructing too much viewing are so I will just continue watching the movie. Then the sound came on and it was clearly that the guy who was recording the goddamn movie didn’t do a good job because the conversation in the movie is inaudible. But I continue to watch it because I was bored and it was a movie that I always wanted to watch.

Approximately 6 minutes passed, and I saw the male and female shadows getting closer, and they started kissing. Great, now I have a bonus scene to watch. Then, I heard some people were talking at the background, and believe it or not, those whispers were actually audible, not like the movie’s conversation. It was starting to get annoying. But I stayed put and just hope the kissing would stop so they won’t block my damn view.

A few more minutes passed, I heard a sudden and loud sound of compressed air pushing through a tight orifice. Yes, the fucker farted right next to the damn recorder.

That’s it!!! I have had enough! I pressed the STOP button, ejected the disc and threw it out of my apartment window.

Guaranteed clear? Over my fucking ass (and a cute one too)!

PS: Should have bought the pDVD at my regular place where they only sell clear pDVD.

20
Jul

::: rsi :::

By Adrian 0 Comments
Categories: work

Shit. There is a clear sign of me working too hard.

Now I have developed Repetitive Stress Injury (RSI) on the right wrist. When I open and close my palm, I can see a lump the size of 10 cents moving from the top of the wrist to the about 3 inches below. When I put my finger (left hand, of course), I can see the lump pushing my finger whenever the lump is moving.

Also, I can feel a sharp pain on the wrist and arm, like those acute muscle pain. Man, the laptop keyboard bite me and now I am totally injured.

I need to go for a good massage soon.

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