It may seem like I like to write story about elevator after this post and this post. Or I don’t have anything better to write about. Or that I have something against elevator. Please rest assure that I am not an elevator-fetish or something like that. It is just that in an elevator, I see a lot of moral and common sense practiced by people, and trust me, it is not something good.
How many of you notice that when the people are waiting for the elevator, they like to surround the elevator? And how about when the elevator door opens, the people will push around and rush into the elevator, even when there are people inside struggling to come out? I don’t want to get into the elevator, get to my designated level, and try to get out and at the end I am being forced to go up/down again.
How many of you notice that once the people pushing into the elevator, they will press the level button, and hog that place, and simply refuse to move? And then the people trying to press the level has to maneuver around the hogger’s body just to press a damn button? And then, they will pick a spot, and simply refuse to move when there are more passengers coming in.
How many of you stay in budget apartment/flat and when people go in, you see those fuckers smoking as if it is perfectly good and legal to do so? How about those fuckwits that smells like he/she had just bath in a bathtub full of fragrance?
How many of you experience that when the door opens, and there is not one person outside the damn elevator?
How many of you experience that when the door opens, some fuckwits come in, press one level higher/lower?
How many of you have been torture by someone who is on the mobile phone while in the elevator, and shouting “Hello? Hello???? I can’t hear you!” when there’s no mobile coverage in the elevator? Or those fuckwits that talk nonchalantly on the phone about his/her affair, his/her new car, or his/her penis/breast enlargement program while there are around 20 people cramp in the elevator?
Those fuckwits just won’t use their brain at all. That’s why I am coming up with the Rules of Elevator for all the poor souls out there to read and practice:-
1. If you need to go one floor up or down, please make sure you move your fucking ass to the stairs and exercise a bit. If not, you will hit with heart attack, high cholesterol, and weak knee.
2. If you are going up, just press the UP call button. If down, then the down call button. You don’t need to press both, unless you are brain-dead or simply blind.
3. When you go into the elevator, select your level and then move your fucking ass to the back of the elevator so that not everyone has to see your ugly face. Just move to the back, you fuckwit.
4. When you are waiting for the elevator, please stand on the side and let the people come out first. Don’t complaint if all of us are going to push our way out with armor or weapon (no point to install those armor or weapon in the elevator for those passengers, they will be stolen).
5. Please don’t smoke, fart, or breathe in the damn elevator. If you don’t know that you should not smoke in the elevator, please enroll yourself into the Education for Mentally Challenged or Primary School (best if its Standard 1). If you do not know that you have a strong body odor, please see a doctor or shave your fucking arm pits. If you do know that you have strong body odor, and try to use fragrance to cover up, please understand that the best fragrance in the world fails to help you. You are beyond help or hope, so please stop pouring those fragrance on your clothes and choke all of us to death.
6. Refrain yourself from using the phone while in the elevator. If you are planning to use the elevator, please hang up before you go in. If you are planning to talk to your customer about the million dollar deal, please hitch the next ride or until you are done with your talking. None of us will be interested to hear about how you can’t hear the caller clearly (Hello? Use your pea-brain please! Its common that there’s no coverage in the elevator!), or how you fuck your mistress (unless you let me fuck her, provided that she’s beautiful, and below 45kg. And if it’s free), or how your mother being a virgin (ok, I admit this will be something interesting but please, tell me somewhere else).
Well, there you have it! Please print the rules out, and read it over and over. Memorize it, and practice it daily. You’ll find that you will be the King/Queen of Elevator and there will be guys/girls falling in love for you in the elevator.
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