Rant & Raves

I am from a very huge and unique family (clarification: not my immediate family, but relatives). It is more unique than the family you saw in the movie, Four Weddings and a Funeral. During all these years, I have attended few wedding dinners and two funerals (excluding my father’s funeral), and all of those occasion were a scene to behold of and for outsider, it will be an eye opener and they will remember the experience for the rest of their lives.

Let me put it this way…

During the wedding, my so-called relatives (do I need to make it more clear that I am trying to draw a clear line between them and my family?) will sit like gentlemen for the first 10 minutes. When the dinner started, they will start drinking, and then they will roam around the area, making friends with new people, looking for someone to yum-sing (translation: bottom-up). This will go on for about 20 to 30 minutes, and they will drink a lot during this short period of time. The problem is, they are lousy drinker. So by the time the 2nd (or 3rd) dish came out, they were already three-quarter there. After that, they will start yelling, laughing out loud, and if there’s a karaoke system, they will start going up there to talk about life, marriage, sex, and more sex. It’ll be a lucky day if they don’t sing after all the talking, but normally I wasn’t so lucky.

And then, after that, it will only get worse. Some of them will take off their clothes and do monkey/donkey dance on the table (sometimes cowboy dance. Don’t ask me), and because of their weight, the table will collapse or tip-over, and everyone will start running for their life. When the dessert came out, all of them were too drunk to move and normally they will piss themselves in the pants. So the wives will have to carry them out, dump them into the car and drive off.

As for the funeral, refer to the post dated November 16, 2005 (as below).

So this kinda give me the phobia of having my very own wedding dinner. I don’t want those wedding crasher to attend my very special occasion and spoil the memory for the rest of my life, unless I am making The American Funniest Home Video. What I am planning is maybe some buffet style, very close family and friends kind of dinner, and NO karaoke system. And then, as for my funeral, unless they live longer than me, otherwise I won’t want to invite them as well.